reality check

A lot of people have asked me, how I am doing having my husband gone.
I always answer with some lame joke and a smile. I say we are surviving. And we are.
But being the proponent of people being real, I feel like that is not a totally honest answer.
I feel the need to take a dose of some reality medicine and share.
It's hard.
and it really sucks.
I laugh less.
There is a little emptiness felt in our house.
I have dropped a lot of things.
Taking pictures daily, blogging, exercise, creating...
I feel a lot of pressure to be both mom and dad when he is gone. I want to make sure that my kids don't have time to miss him. But by the end of the night, there is no hiding that we all miss him.
My patience is evaporated by 8:00 every night, even when I try to dig deep and find some, it's futile.
The funny thing is, logically, I know if I picked up those dropped things in my life, I would feel more energized and fulfilled, and that would probably go a long way to recharging my patience, but I cannot seem to muster the energy to do it all.
That is the reality.

It is also reality that talking to Brian on the phone is something I got very good at in high school, and he can quickly make me feel calm and connected with him.
It is also reality that I feel the love of all our friends and neighbors and family.
It is also reality that I am keenly aware every day, that I have no room to complain because I have the good side of the deal. Brian is the one doing all the hard work, the one that goes back to a hotel alone, and eats microwavable meals. He is the one that misses the smiles and hugs of his little ones.
It's also reality that a lot of women do this every day their entire lives alone, with no one to lean on or call at night.
It is also a reality that there are a lot of harder things to deal with in life than to have a husband out of town for a long time.

Like divorce.
Chronic illness.
Infertility.
Cancer.
Raising a child with disabilities.
Loosing your home to foreclosure.
And wearing socks with sandals.

And people near and dear to me are struggling with every single one of those things right now. So I can't feel bad for myself. I can't complain.

Not when there are people out there with socks and sandals on their feet.