Lucky Number Thirteen

Thirteen years ago today, I made a decision. I walked into the biggest commitment of my life.
Marriage.
I was a baby. Just barely 20.
I don't know how that baby made such a wise decision.
I thank her for it all the time.
Here I am, thirteen years and almost 5 children later,
 and I know.
I know it was the most rewarding decision I have ever made.
I thought I knew thirteen years ago. I was sure I knew everything about that man. I thought I knew how great of a father, how great of a husband, how great of a friend he would be to me and to our future children.
I had no idea.
Most of life doesn't turn out the way we plan. Most of the time that hurts until it doesn't.
But being married to Brian has turned out so much better than I ever planned.
All our dreams haven't come true.
We aren't rich.
We don't have it easy.
We don't live a fairy tale romance.
But we still dream together.
We laugh together...
 and at each other.
We band together through the hard stuff.
We are still best friends.
And even though I desperately want to kick him out of bed for snoring, I have yet to do so. Even in my current 9 month pregnant, sleep deprived state.
We are still in this life together.
And every day I am grateful for that.
Except for those days I'm not.
But those days are few and far between.
And the Xbox is usually involved.
You know how it is.

Saying Goodbye...

Summer is over.
Well, the weather is still sweltering, it still stays light until 9:00pm, and snow cones and otter pops are still being consumed in abundance, but the lazy summer schedule has ended.
This last weekend, we said good bye to summer
and good-bye to Brian, as he goes to chase hurricanes. (Irene in particular).

We had a little weekend of fun in Park City. We shopped, we ate, and we shopped and ate. We slept in a small and somewhat gross motel, with an air conditioner that was reminiscent of an airline runway. (i.e. very LOUD). [Unsolicited advice: Don't go cheap in Park City]

We slid down really big slides.

We watched people do some really cool things.

And we enjoyed each other
.
Okay, well sometimes we just endured each other, but it was fun nonetheless.

Then we came home, and helped Brian get packed.
We had our back to school feast by candlelight.
Brian pushed the kids one last time on the swings.

He read them their goodnight books.
Played one last game of Tetris.
And had one last family prayer.
Tears were near.
Feelings were shared.
Hugs were given.

Love was here.

 

 Normally this time of year, I find myself writing about how we are sad to see summer go, and how we will miss it, but this year, I think everyone in my little family is too busy missing someone else so much more.

wait... what?

Did I used to write on this blog fairly regularly?
Was that me?
Did I try to regularly the record the daily life of me and my family in a somewhat entertaining fashion?
What happened?
Oh yeah, I remember:

Summer.

This summer began hard, as we went at it alone without Brian, but it picked up in fun and intensity once he came back to us. So since, I know everyone has been on pins and needles waiting for an update on what is happening in the Swanson household, I will grace you with an update.

This summer Jonas has honed in on his tween personality traits. Especially the "Friends are like, so much cooler than family. For Sure" trait. Also the "eye rolling" and "whatever, Mom" traits are coming along rather nicely. The big event was he managed to get really sick one night and it was really nice. It was nice because he was so sick, I was able to touch him a handful of times without him breaking out in a hyperactive, allergic to mom fit reaction.

This summer Hailey has been a fury of crafts. She started as a tropical storm but has recently escalated to a full fledged hurricane of glue, paper strips, felt and buttons. Hailey has also began perfecting the arts of list making, and event planning and task mastering. She has created a neighborhood book club, babysat nieces and nephews, performed puppet shows and involved us all in the Swanson theater performances, and done it all while keeping us in line and making sure we are crossing things of our summer to do list. I swear, she is going to be the mother/wife of the year, or the worlds best drill sergeant when she grows up.

Caleb decided to add another personality to his life this summer: Luke Skywalker. His brain has become filled with interesting" facts about Luke and Yoda and Darth Vader. He has decided he needs to wear black everyday, because apparently that's what Luke would do. (I bet you didn't know that). Also, I don't know if I have mentioned this before but Caleb has a sound track to everything in life. He has theme music for eating, playing, falling asleep, swinging, riding his scooter, and uh, using the bathroom. He has spent much of this summer passing his theme song capabilities onto Porter. Porter now believes everything should be accompanied by the theme music from Indiana Jones, Harry Potter and Star wars.

Porter has spent the summer learning major life lessons, most obnoxious important: whining. The kid can whine. He has learned how to annoy the crap out of someone until he gets what he wants. I know all two year olds have the corner of the market on this typically, but he blows all of them out of the water. Porter has also deepened his irrational fears of:
large amounts of water (i.e. bathtub)
movie screens
people in costume
trampolines
and basically any other thing deemed fun by the average child.

Brian has spent the summer repeating the words, "There is no place like home", to which I am glad, but if he starts wearing sparkly red shoes then I am really going to worry. He has restored the yard to it's pretty state, undoing all the work I did to get it all crappy looking and stuff.

I have spent my summer soaking up my family. Some days, I think they almost drowned me, but most days, it was good. It was chill. It was everything summer should be.

But don't think for a minute I am not ecstatic for school to be back in session!

He's Baaack...

After 11 weeks, we have our husband and our dad back again.

We have spent that last two weeks, all smiles.

Lots of family time. Much needed.

And so, so, so, much enjoyed.

Our family feels complete again.
And we are basking in happiness that comes with that feeling.
And no, I have no idea if he will have to leave us again soon.
All we know is we will take it while we get it!

Dear Husband, week 10:

Or is it week 11? Maybe 12? I don't know, it could be week 25. All I know is you haven't been home in a long time.
And we miss you.
I  missed you on our family vacation to Bear Lake.
I missed you while I packed the car,



Cause that job sucks.

And I missed  while I drove. (I don't do maps, but I am a phenominal follower.)

I missed you when I saw what Caleb packed from home, and wanted to laugh about it with you.



(Caleb packed his baby scrapbook and an easel to display it so it would "feel like home")


I missed you when I saw the view from the deck, knowing how much you would have loved it.

No offense, but I don't think the kids missed you all that much.

Not when there were rooms like these:

And cousins like these:

and big brothers to tickle you like this:

 And games like these:

and multiple slides like these:

And nooks and crannies like these:

I think they had a hard time thinking about anything other than the fun they were having, and believe me, they had a lot of that.

If it's any consolation, on the drive home, we discussed it,
and we have all decided to take you back there,
out of the goodness of our hearts.

inside my thoughts...

It's been a while since I have seen my husband. 5 weeks, I think.
He is away for work.
I don't really know when he gets back. It could be next week., next month, or in the fall.

My kids miss him.
I miss him.
At the dinner table last night we couldn't get over his empty chair. We talked about how we know what he would say.
We talked about what we miss about him.
We miss his guitar playing. Like a soundtrack to our lives, it's always there.
We miss Tetris Talk. (Tetris talk is where you play Tetris on mute for what seems like an eternity and you have in depth conversations about life.)
We miss his ability to fix stuff, cause I can't.
We miss his truck pulling into the driveway, because that means all the pieces to our family are here. That we are whole.

I can't really articulate it well, other than to say we miss his presence. That our family isn't complete without him, and our daily lives feel it.
It makes me feel for so many women who are the mother and father to their kids every single day.
It makes me feel for the kids who don't have a dad to wait for anymore.
It makes me feel for all the dads out there working for their families (or their country) who would love nothing more than to be home with their families.

Then it makes me grateful.
For so many thoughtful friends and amazing family members to help me.
For Skype and for speaker phone, helping us to feel like a whole family for a few moments every day.
For kids who are wonderful.
For a husband who will do anything for his family.
And for bedtime. I really really love the quiet that comes after bedtime.

And that's what I have been thinking lately.

Fascinating, really.

Dear Husband, week 4:

Today I recieved a first.
Roses at my doorstep. From you. 1,500 miles away.

They are beautiful.
Thank you.
They are almost better than the 17 roses you gave me on my 17th birthday.
As I admired them on our kitchen table, I was compelled to give something back to you.

Remember that tree in the front yard? The one you searched high and low for? The one that took you months to find? That perfect tree?

It's blooming.

Perfectly.

Remember that tree in the back yard? The one you put in the corner by the raspberries? The one I didn't want (but I totally take that back now)? The one you thought we were going to loose last fall?

Well it's blooming too.

Beautifully.

So there you go.
Mothers Day flowers to me. In return to you,  healthy, blossoming trees in a yard that desperately misses you, at a home that is incomplete without you, from a wife who is every day grateful for you.

How's that for payback?

 Love,
Mel

Dear Husband:

We are currently enduring week number 3 of you being gone. Three down and LOTS more to go.

We miss you. But we are sucking it up.

We have tried to fill the empty space with activities like:

Happy hour runs to Sonic. (A lemon Berry slush is still just as tasty with 3 inches of snow on the ground)

Trips to Ikea. (Don't worry. I didn't buy too much.)

                           quick question: what exactly would be too much?

Crafts. Lots and lots of crafts: (okay, so this is nothing new)

New and good music on itunes: (I ignored Rollingstone magazine's advice and I'm glad I did.)

Garden planning: (I really don't want to be doing this one alone)

Visits to the zoo: (with only one near fatal accident!)

Lots and lots of redbox movies. (I am not sure if I can forgive the public for not warning me about how painful Tron would be to sit through.)

And any other extra ordinary activity we can come up with:

What's on our docket this week:

Picnics at the park

Tulip festival

Baking

Planting tomatoes in the garden

Sidewalk chalking

Jump roping

Scootering

Trips to the library

Thanking Heaven above for spring weather.

And making fun of  you behind your back. 

It's totally good natured, of course. 

We are finding reasons to laugh and 

doing our best to ignore the empty chair at the dinner table,

but it doesn't really work.

With love, 

The best Tetris Competition you have ever come across. AKA, your wife.

Yesterday, just like everyday

Yesterday, Brian was my hero.

Yesterday Brian did stuff he really didn't want to do.

Yesterday, he did stuff he really didn't have time to do.

Yesterday, he said he would handle some things I didn't have the ability to.

Yesterday, he came through for his kids.

Yesterday, he came through for his wife.

Yesterday, he came through for his business.

Yesterday, he came through for his church.

Yesterday, just like everyday.
He amazes me with his abilities, with his talents, with his selflessness, and with his kindness.

He's pretty much a rock star.

In a good way, not in the "I snort cocaine backstage" way.

Dear husband III

It's almost Christmas! I know we don't do gifts for each other, but I think we should start. I mean, stuff is cool. And if you felt so inclined, the following stuff is the coolest:


#1  Sleep. The uninterrupted kind. The kind childless people get. Remember that? [insert nostalgic sigh here]

#2  A door that closes for our master bath. Because I am a fan of closed bathroom doors. Especially when I am in them.

#3   A ticket to the 21st century so I can get something fancy like a phone that is more than just a phone. It's got the Internet! A GPS! A gaming system! A personal chef! A maid! The list goes on and on.

#4  A time waster that comes in the form of an ipad. Because I am a fan of wasting time.

#5  Another home phone. Why in the crap do we have one home phone in this 3000+ square foot house? And why can I NEVER find it?

#6  A set of children that actually knows what a garbage can is and how to use it.

#7 A pair of slippers to complete my whole, "I don't get dressed anymore" look.

#8 A trip to the spa for an eyebrow wax. (have you seen me lately?)

#9 The Dogwhisperer, but for toddlers. The toddlerwhisperer. Someone to tell me what that kid wants already. ( I am so over the screaming, aren't you?)

#10 A treadmill to serve as a constant blaring reminder of my failures.

 Okay, nix number 10... I already have a mirror.

But really what I want most is for you, my dear overworked and underpaid husband to relax and enjoy this holiday season. You deserve it.

Oh and P.S. While you are relaxing and enjoying, could you make good use of your hands and give me a back rub?I mean, hey, there is a limit to my generosity.

For record's sake...

The family I have is a good one, if only for the fact someone is always making me laugh.
And I am almost always in need of a good laugh.
(I would say chuckle but I really despise the word. Almost as much "moist". Ew... I can barely even type it.)

This week's highlights:
[Hailey, during dinner] Mom, is this healthy?
[Me, grateful chicken nuggets aren't on the menu tonight] Yes, yes it is.
[Hailey, surprised] Wow, I don't even taste the health in it!

[Caleb, upon arriving home from school] Mom, next time I go to school please don't comb my hair!
[Me, confused but not surprised because this is Caleb I am talking to] Why?
[Caleb, frustrated:] Because none of the other kids have to go to school with their hair combed! You be like their moms ok?

[Brian on the phone with me shortly after I asked him to pick up some red grapes on the way home from work.]
"Umm... I am not familiar with red grapes. There are just green and purple."

Truly they make me laugh.
They can make me cry to, but that's a whole other post.

33

Today, my husband is 33.

In case you were wondering, he is pretty amazing.
How is that, you ask?
Let me expound:

Reason #1 - for one thing, he has weathered the storm of being a full time husband, a full time father, a full time student, and a full time employee...
all at the SAME TIME.
I know I always come back to that and Brian has been officially graduated for a year now, but it was pretty freaking amazing. I mean those of you who have done any of those things knows how hard it is to do each one individually. Those who have done them at the same time know that it takes super human strength. And while I admit it took some pretty hefty strength of my own to make it through those days, most of the crap was always on his shoulders.

Reason #2 - He puts up with me. That sentence really doesn't deserve further explanation if you know me. If you don't, read on: I am obnoxious. And I am dorky. And I have been known to state my opinion when it is not desired.

Reason #3 - He lets me correct him. A lot. You see, Brian has a tendancy to sing the wrong lyrics to songs. Like 85% of the time. And I just cannot let a lyric be incorrect... I can't. I even have to correct him on the lyrics to his own songs on occassion. I think all that schooling and work really did a number on his brain.

Reason #4 - He eats my food. He eats it and compliments it. Like it is really good or something. Really, the mere fact he eats my food should tell you he loves me. He has an issue with eating people's food. He can't just go to a pot luck and dig in, because what if someone's kitchen is dirty? What if they didn't wash their hands? What if they sneezed right into the cookie dough? Those thoughts are more than his stomach can handle.

Reason #5- He is a present father. He is there. In the middle of all the action. And he loves it. He is so good to them. He is their teacher, their playmate, their friend, and their student. He respects them as people. Real ones. Because that is what they are.

Reason #6 - He brings milk home for me. He calls me on his way home almost every day to see if I need anything from the store. For those of you with a small army of children, you know how there is always something you need, and you also know that packing them all up to head to the store for one thing, just isn't going to happen.

Reason #7 - He works. Like, Hard. No, he isn't a workaholic and he isn't just madly in love with his job. He does it for us. For me and the kids. He works hard and long hours and never complains. Even when he works weekends. I, however, make up for his lack of complaining. Mostly in my head. But sometimes it slips out. And he still understands.

For these things, and for countless other things, I love him.

And you should too.

let me count the ways...

A while ago, Brian's brothers were trying to coax him into buying some xbox game so they could play together online at night. This is something they used to have fun doing together, pre-kids. Brian told them (probably with a little reluctance) he doesn't have time for that anymore. Fed up with Brian's same standard excuse, one of his brothers blurted out, "What DO you do at night, man?"
Brian had to recount this to me when he got home. It made him laugh because couldn't really answer that question. It just seemed to him that there wasn't enough hours in the day anymore to get to everything he'd like to do.

I thought about that all night that night because it made me realize how much I love my husband.

Allow me to explain. (You are dying to hear, right?)

I love who he was.

The dude that people called Schwanii. The guy who used to write songs about how I broke his heart. The guy who wasn't embarrassed to sing in front of hundreds of people, but who would have been shaking with nerves at the thought of talking to someone on the phone. The guy who wanted to be a dad, but had never changed a diaper or held a newborn.


I love who he is.

My husband. The guy that I have known for 15 years, and that I have watched grow into an amazing man.
My husband, the man that gives so much of himself to his family and his neighbors, and to others around him, that he doesn't have much time for himself.
My husband, the man that has never complained about the things you have to give up to become a parent.
My husband, the man who takes his kids out to play because he wants to, not because he has to.
My husband, the man who will watch chick flicks without complaining because he wants to be with me.

I just love how who he was and who he is have grown together.


My husband who used to write for his band but now writes songs for his daughter.
My husband who used to play computer games after work, but now spends his time pushing kids on the swing.
My husband who used to play basketball with the guys in the morning, but who now plays basketball in the driveway with his kids until dark.
My husband that used to laugh at the way I devour a book, Now stays up until 2am because he couldn't put a book down.
My husband who used to sleep in, but now gets up early to work in the yard.
My husband who used to stay up late talking on the phone to me, now falls asleep talking next to me.

He is the best version of himself, and I wouldn't change a single thing.

(except the way he "cleans" house, the way he folds his socks together before throwing them in the dirty clothes, his snoring, and his toenails. Oh my, his toenails...)

we knew him when...

Brian and I love music. In fact, our love for good music (the kind you hear and get chills from) is largely what brought us together.
And please do not mistake that statement as any sort of declaration that I have any musical abilities WHATSOEVER.
But, my husband can sing. I mean, really sing.
He can play the guitar. I mean, really play.
He can write songs that will get stuck in your head for a month... (trust me on this one.)
He's our own music genius.
We are very proud of him.

So, naturally, when we had offspring we were sure music would be a BIG thing with them.
And it was.
It always is with little ones.
But then they turned 5.
And start to grow inhibitions.
And the music got buried deep within them.
It only peeks out now when we show them a piece of music genius and they get the chills and ask to listen to it again.

It makes me sad that Jonas, the boy who would sing for anyone, won't even open his mouth anymore.
It breaks my heart that the girl who sang in front of LOTS of people at her dad's concert wouldn't be caught dead on stage anymore.

But the up side to our sad story is him:


He is different in every.single.way.


He needs a stage.



He sings like it is part of him.


He feels it.



He makes us have hope in the musical future of this family.

report cards

Every year we have a back to school dinner. Last year, I decided it would be a good time to introduce a family theme/goal to work on. Last year's was this:


This week, as I have been thinking of the new theme, I have also contemplated our progress on working hard.

Brian's grade: A
Clearly Brian gets points for being the only bread winner, but he gets extra credit for graduating, and working long hours, traveling, and pretty much working non-stop. He did get docked several thousand points for screwing up my plans several times due to him working unexpectedly and missing like my entire ninth month of pregnancy (which lets face it, that alone should have flunked him), but due to all his extra credit, he shot back up to grade A.

Jonas' grade: B+
Jonas worked pretty hard in school this year.... at first. But by the first parent teacher conference I had a cute teacher trying her best in a positive way to say what I already know about Jonas: somewhere in his head is a world. A wonderful place that only he can go; a place for him to ponder the wonders of the universe. But it's a place that is so vast, he frequently loses himself and has a tough time finding his way into the world in which we all reside. Luckily we welcome him back every time. At school, he improved a ton, he now only reserves his retreat for special times at home like whenever he is required to work.

Hailey's grade: B+
Hailey was like the worlds GREATEST student this year. She obeyed every single rule to a "T". She treated homework like it was a trip to Disneyland. She was so enthusiastic about everything. At home she was a big helper, a fabulous babysitter for all the babies frequenting our house, and she made lots of new friends. But Hailey lost points for OVER competitiveness. If there was a compliment made to any one member of the house, she left in tears sure that no one would love her again. Ever. She was sure she was minutes from being dropped at some random orphanage's doorstep with a note pinned to her that says, "Please take care of me... and dress me in pink."

Caleb's grade: C
worked hard. he worked REALLY hard. The problem was, his hard work was in all the wrong places. Caleb worked on learning to tell a lie. He would ask for chocolate milk at 10 PM and I would say no, it's bedtime. He would then go ask dad who would counter with the classic: "ask your mom", and he would then tell him that mom said yes.
He also perfected his skills in the areas of: making messes, teasing, breaking things, and throwing monstrous tantrums.
I know, sounds like an F grade, BUT
Caleb saved me from the torment of changing a toddler's diaper by deciding once and for all to give up the diaper, therefore he bumped a couple of grades to pass.

Porter's grade: A
Porter spent most of the year working hard by growing to massive proportions. He did so well in this area, he managed to outweigh all of my other massive children at birth. He is currently working hard at tolerance. Tolerance for all those little hands in his face and bouncing him around and "accidentally" waking him up.
He has also been conducting experiments by seeing just how far he can shove his fist down his throat.
He's just too cute to be given anything else, really.

my grade: ???
well I can't very well grade myself can I? My only option is to hand this one over to the husband.
Brian?

Independence Day

A few days ago we learned that we have been exposed to a few people with the swine flu. We spoke to the Dr. and he advised us to stay home and quarantine ourselves to: A). protect the baby, and B). To prevent the spreading in case we did turn out to have contracted it.
This would mean spending the fourth of July at home alone. my children broke down declaring it THE WORST DAY OF THEIR LIVES. Tears were shed, bodies were flopped on beds, feet were sadly shuffled. I then took the time to sit them down and to tell them the day would be what we made it. I promised them that we could make this holiday one they would always remember. Through talking, we determined what would make the holiday special for the family was a bbq, fireworks and fun. I set about giving assignments to the family. Brian's was to find something to bbq.
He chose fried chicken.


It was a lovely sight watching him in the kitchen. Up until then he had for the most part, been a stranger to this territory and I hope that he continues to enlighten himself further. Hopefully with equally tasty results:

mmmmmmmmmm.

The kids were given the job of shucking sugar sweet corn, while I pondered ways of how I could possibly eat it for breakfast lunch and dinner for the REST OF MY LIFE.

Don't worry, I handled the boiling.

My job was to keep in line with our 4th of July tradition: homemade icecream. Normally every 4th is spent at my parents house, mooching off them and enjoying the tastiness of their labors. I was tempted to bag the ice cream thing this year, but I realized if I wanted to keep in line with my declaration of making this holiday special, I must put in a little effort too. (hate it when that happens).
So I made chocolate chip ice cream and it was, well, DEVOURED. Thank goodness we only eat it once a year.


Caleb's job was to stay out of trouble and to continue with his strict diet of pb & j sandwiches.

He obliged.

Porter's job was this:

to succumb to the exhaustion that comes from carrying around those massive cheeks and sleep. (the fish on his lap was given lovingly to porter by one of his siblings)

There was swimming before dinner and after. There was cloud gazing, watermelon seed spitting, wrestling, story telling and much laughter. We ended the night with fireworks and more ice cream.
The kids all stated it was their favorite holiday ever.

I love it when I'm right.

the good and the bad, the peace and the quiet

My husband took the three older kids camping this weekend, leaving me alone at home with one tiny baby. There are both good and bad things about this.

Good:
1. I got me some SLEEP! I was reminded of what is was like to have just one tiny little baby that slept 20 hours a day. Sigh... it was nice to relive that this weekend.
2. This is probably the first time in a year that my laundry has been all caught up. But once those kids walk in with their camp fire smelling clothes, that will go right out the door.
3. I had the chance to sit and focus on Porter's little face and study it. I have discovered a favorite look he pulls. After he sneezes, His eyes bug out and he gets this look like he was just in another dimension and he is wondering how he just got back. It's priceless.
4. The house stayed relatively clean. And spill free for a few days. I'm pretty sure that is a record for the books.
5. There is nothing like a little alone time to make you reflect and renew your appreciation for your family. Especially the husband that changes the light bulbs (doing laundry in the dark is a lot more time consuming than doing laundry with light). And the husband that takes out the garbage. It is sitting by me right now, stinking up the joint.

Bad:
1. I realized how total silence in a LARGE, empty house at night can be a little creepy. I channeled my husbands OCD for checking the doors to make sure they were locked. Which takes half the night because there are like a thousand doors on this house.
2. I spent way too much time and money downloading songs off itunes. Loving her (listen to "it doesn't hurt") and this. and this.
3. I wasted a lot of time watching stupid movies that I never cared to take time to watch before like Flashdance.
4. While camping, Brian got the privilege of taking Caleb to his first visit to the ER for stitches. (apparently Caleb is so efficient at being pathetic, he managed to make the nurse cry.)
5. I had grand plans of being very productive; Porter, however, had plans of getting all his mommy cuddling time in. He won.

All in all, it was a nice, quiet, much needed restful weekend. And I have a feeling my kids will be having me pay for it all next week.

Lots

It's been 10 years since this picture was taken. I have no idea what he was doing and what i am laughing at. But I have a suspicion we were laughing at the amount of times we were asked the same question over and over again...

Where are you two going to live?

Where are you going on your honeymoon?

When are you going to have children?

If only we could have glimpsed the future, we could have given a lot more interesting answers.

For example: Where are you two going to live?
We will be living in what we think is a haunted basement apartment in a crappy part of midvale across the street from children who swim in their garbage can. After a few months we will discover it is not haunted just being broken into by the upstairs tenants who would like us to leave. We will. We will buy a house that is a very ugly shade of pink on the outside with a very bright white kitchen inside that i love but end up loathing due to the impossibility of keeping it clean. But we will be happy there.

and Where are you going on your honeymoon?
Our intended destination will be San Diego but we will stop anywhere we want because we can. we will stop in st.george and in cedar city and in vegas and spend one day in san diego and one in tiawana and head back home stopping again in vegas and going to strange places like the guiness book of world records museum. We will have really ugly caracatures drawn of ourselves and save them thinking we will frame them someday, but we never will. But looking at them will make us happy.

and When are you two going to have children?
we will have a six week old baby in our arms as we celebrate our first year anniversary. We will be overwhelmed and shocked but we will be very happy. (that answer would definately have raised some eyebrows.)

Fast forward 10 years. We celebrated with baby number four in our arms. No night out, no gifts, no fancy cards, just reflection. About lots of water under the bridge. Lots of best laid plans that failed. Lots of unexpected hiccups in the road. Lots of mountains built out of mole hills. Lots of lessons learned. Lots of understanding. Lots of inside jokes. Lots of laughter. Lots of kids. Lots of joy. Lots of life.

May 25 = 10 years = happiness.

Here's to the next 10...

dear husband II,

The last 24 hours I have realized something. What I mean is, I have been reminded of something.
I love you.
yep, promise. And if you remember me biting your head off with my words last night like an insane person, that was just a joke... I promise.
Truth is, I am an insanely pregnant person on the Colossal emotional roller coaster. I am looking forward to getting off soon. I would venture to think you, husband, are maybe even looking forward to this more than me. (that is just a guess though). It may be hard to believe, and I am SURE you will vehemently disagree, but I can be a teensy weensy bit hard to live with. The point is dear husband, I realize my behavior has been a tad bit difficult to handle as of late; what, with my incessant complaints of, "I don't feel so good" or "I don't think it is possible that I get out of this horizontal position this morning" or "Sorry the tornado swept thru the house again."
This morning I thought about how you got me that giant drink of dc with lime last night and how you did homework with the kids and how you put the older kiddos to bed, and then how you scraped my car of all the evil snow this morning and how you are coming home from work in a few hours so I can go to my Dr. appointment monsterless, I mean childless. I added all those things up and I thought, man it is really nice to have a husband. It's really nice to have a husband who wants to help me even if i am just a tiny bit difficult.
so thanks, husband, and I love you.

melanie

P.S. Oh FYI, there is officially like under 10 weeks left of pregnancy induced craziness. Woo-HOO! Then you will have post partum to look forward to. XOXO! Isn't marriage wonderful? (I mean marriage to ME especially).

the better view

Shortly after our little Hailey was born almost 6 years ago to the day, Brian decided it was time to take on college. I was, as usual, the loving and helpful support that you all know me to be. At first it was a class or two, just what we could work around school. After a year or so we realized that it would take 10 years to graduate at the rate we were going. So we made major changes; (i.e. sell our home, and move in with parents, work part time and be broke...) and as time went on, the pressure increased the time with Brian decreased and my wonderful supportiveness (yes, I am aware that this is not a word, but this is my blog and I make the rules) turned to grumpy complaints. I could hardly imagine the day when we operated like other families; the light at the end of the tunnel was there, I was sure it was, but we were too far to see.
Recently that light has been in view and we have been clinging to it as a family. We have made all sorts of statements that begin with, "When dad is done with school...".
Tuesday, wonderful Tuesday of this week, we stepped into the light. Brian took his last final. He made his last drive from Provo. He sold his last book. He is done with school.
That sounds really nice. I would like to say that again.
Brian is done with school.
We celebrated in a style with dinner out to an expensive fancy restaurant and weekend getaway to a fancy hotel/spa where we pampered ourselves with massages and other spa treatments. We ended the festivities with a shopping spree from all the money we have growing on our money tree in the back yard.
Then I woke up.
We actually celebrated by me attending mutual and Brian hanging out with the kids. Then I came home and we ate a late night dinner and watched people loose massive amounts of weight. (biggest loser finale). We are so cool.
As lack luster as our celebration was, it was real and it was good. As a family, we are enjoying the better view of life with a father and a husband. We could really get used to this. And I think we will.