I am distracted,
loosing it,
overwhelmed, maybe?
This last week I have been misplacing things, forgetting what I was doing (because I am doing too many things at once perhaps).
You know, putting the milk away in the cupboard type of thing.
Nothing too serious at first but as the end of the week came, my stupidity intensified.
Friday I did the math incorrectly for Hailey’s insulin dose and gave her an extra unit of insulin, which luckily I realized shortly after and remedied with a fun size pack of M and Ms.
Then the next day I completely forgot to check her mid morning.
I was 2 hours late on her evening dose of insulin.
COMPLETELY forgot my child was diabetic for a few hours.
Sunday while making some cakes (in an oven with no timer), I turned the timer on the microwave on and went downstairs to tend to my screaming children. About 35 minutes later, I went upstairs to check on my cake and was met with a REALLY bad smell and lots of smoke. Upon further examination realized I had not turned on the microwave timer but turned on the microwave instead.
With nothing in it.
And left it on for a half hour.
And caught it just before it burst into flames.
And it ruined the microwave.
That was really stupid.
This morning, I forgot to wake Jonas up early for orchestra.
I put sugar syrup on Hailey's waffle and sugar free on Caleb's (luckily realized the blunder in time.)
Then as I was backing out of the driveway to take the kids to school I took extra precaution to look behind me so I didn't hit a child walking to school.
Because my track record is going that well.
As I was taking extra care to look behind me, I neglected to look beside me and hit the side mirror on the garage and
BUSTED IT OFF.
I am officially grounding myself from using sharp objects and operating heavy machinery.
Also I am not cooking dinner.
I am not even sure I should be caring for my children at this point.
I plan to resume normal life again soon, just as soon as increased stupidity levels off.
Lets hope it does.
Monday, December 21, 2009
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
my days
The days in December are racing by.
They are filled.
Filled with important things like
trips to Hailey's school checking glucose levels
and giving insulin injections,
nightly phone calls with the doctor asking questions and changing insulin ratios,
endocrinologist appointments,
meetings with school nurses, phone calls/battles with insurance companies,
and a few trips downtown to the diabetes specialties store for some ridiculously priced necessities.
but i would go crazy if if focused on all of that.
so i fill may days
with even more important things like
Coloring in giant Christmas coloring books with my kids.
Watching old videos of past Christmases.
Making brownies with massive amounts of frosting.
Picking out our annual ornaments at the Christmas village.
Watching barbie movies with Caleb. (yes I said CALEB. you have no idea how deep his devotion is to his sister.)
Enjoying candle light dinners.
Making paper snowflakes.
Wrapping presents.
Playing with playdoh.
Watching the boys shovel snow while listening to the sound of my heart singing praises that I can finally enjoy life with a garage to park my car in.
Singing Christmas songs over and over and over and over and over and....
and generally just loving that fact that I get to enjoy Christmastime with kids.
Because Christmas is not the same without them.
They are filled.
Filled with important things like
trips to Hailey's school checking glucose levels
and giving insulin injections,
nightly phone calls with the doctor asking questions and changing insulin ratios,
endocrinologist appointments,
meetings with school nurses, phone calls/battles with insurance companies,
and a few trips downtown to the diabetes specialties store for some ridiculously priced necessities.
but i would go crazy if if focused on all of that.
so i fill may days
with even more important things like
Coloring in giant Christmas coloring books with my kids.
Watching old videos of past Christmases.
Making brownies with massive amounts of frosting.
Picking out our annual ornaments at the Christmas village.
Watching barbie movies with Caleb. (yes I said CALEB. you have no idea how deep his devotion is to his sister.)
Enjoying candle light dinners.
Making paper snowflakes.
Wrapping presents.
Playing with playdoh.
Watching the boys shovel snow while listening to the sound of my heart singing praises that I can finally enjoy life with a garage to park my car in.
Singing Christmas songs over and over and over and over and over and....
and generally just loving that fact that I get to enjoy Christmastime with kids.
Because Christmas is not the same without them.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Reality
Have you ever heard it said that the state of your house reflects the state of your life?
For me that has never been more true.
There is just a lot of junk on my table. And I am writing this not to complain, just to tell you how it is. I know we all have a lot of junk on our tables at different times and you all know how that is.
And if you don't, then gear up my friend, because you are just in the calm before the storm.
For me that has never been more true.
There is just a lot of junk on my table. And I am writing this not to complain, just to tell you how it is. I know we all have a lot of junk on our tables at different times and you all know how that is.
And if you don't, then gear up my friend, because you are just in the calm before the storm.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
potty humor
It's morning.
School mornings are crazy.
I am juggling all these different things zooming from one thing to the next. Caleb has gone to the bathroom and run out to get dressed without flushing the toilet.
Thinking I am just doing him, but really myself a favor, I reach over and flush the toilet.
It's then that I hear the screaming.
Caleb comes running, horrified into the bathroom.
He looks from the toilet, then to me.
He sinks to his knees crying. "NOOOOOOO!"
"Mom, I didn't do hurry!"
Confusion.
"Caleb" I say, "I have no idea what you are talking about."
Hailey perks up from the kitchen.
"I do." she says.
"Me too" nods Jonas.
"Okay, what's he talking about?"
Hailey says, "He sings a song about hurrying as he flushes the toilet.
Jonas adds disgusted, "And he leans in really close."
"Are you serious?" I ask?
"yes he does it every time..." they say in unison.
I look at Caleb sobbing on the bathroom floor in mourning that he wasn't able to serenade his pee, and I think, "And I was worried about Hailey's future?"
School mornings are crazy.
I am juggling all these different things zooming from one thing to the next. Caleb has gone to the bathroom and run out to get dressed without flushing the toilet.
Thinking I am just doing him, but really myself a favor, I reach over and flush the toilet.
It's then that I hear the screaming.
Caleb comes running, horrified into the bathroom.
He looks from the toilet, then to me.
He sinks to his knees crying. "NOOOOOOO!"
"Mom, I didn't do hurry!"
Confusion.
"Caleb" I say, "I have no idea what you are talking about."
Hailey perks up from the kitchen.
"I do." she says.
"Me too" nods Jonas.
"Okay, what's he talking about?"
Hailey says, "He sings a song about hurrying as he flushes the toilet.
Jonas adds disgusted, "And he leans in really close."
"Are you serious?" I ask?
"yes he does it every time..." they say in unison.
I look at Caleb sobbing on the bathroom floor in mourning that he wasn't able to serenade his pee, and I think, "And I was worried about Hailey's future?"
Monday, November 23, 2009
The backstory
Lots of you have asked how we came to the diabetes diagnosis. You ask and I provide. (I am giving like that)
Here is our story:
October:
I notice little things. Hailey drinks a lot, I tell myself. Has she always peed this much? I ask why she is drinking so much and she shrugs and tells me she’s just thirsty. There is a tiny little part of me that whispers Diabetes but it’s not that bad, she doesn’t drink that much. I push it aside. She plays a lot. If I ran around that much I would be thirsty too.
At night, I hear her get up to go to the bathroom several times. Her nightly drink of water becomes 2 and 3. She is just adjusting to the new house and waking herself up, I tell myself as I hear the Diabetes whisper again.
First weeks in November.
Hailey starts getting little tummy aches at night. She wakes up disoriented and uncomfortable. But Hailey has always had a sensitive stomach and she sleepwalks. It must be that.
It becomes a joke around the house how much Hailey drinks and pees. But it’s harmless, I tell myself. She just has a small bladder.
The diabetes whisper is whisper-yelling at me now.
Middle of November.
Hailey is tired. Always tired. She doesn’t go outside to play anymore and if I suggest it, she plays for a few minutes then comes and lies around.
That little whisper isn’t a whisper anymore.
It’s eating at me.
I mention it to Brian. But I follow it with, I am probably just making too much of it.
She is drinking more than ever and she looks dehydrated.
Her tummy hurts.
She says she is too tired to walk to school… around the corner.
Brian looks up symptoms and two things pull up:
Leukemia and diabetes.
I pray for diabetes.
While waiting for my appointment the next day, I monitor Hailey’s drinking. 80 ounces in 3 hours. That’s more than a two liter. She Pees every half hour. Her stomach hurts. Her lips are chapped and her eyes are sunken and red. The whisper is a yelling fact now: something is wrong.
Now I pray its diabetes.
The pediatrician sends us to the lab for blood and urine tests. He puts a rush on the order. They tell us to wait. We wait 3 minutes before we see the lab tech zoom out of the back, telling us nothing other than to follow her.
We can’t keep up with her.
There is only one reason to move so fast.
I know.
The doctor asks me if I know what a normal blood sugar is.
“60?” I say.
“Yes.” he says.
He glances at Hailey and rather than speaks, shows me on paper.
“Do you see Hailey’s blood sugar?”
I read > 800.
I know.
I knew.
I just didn’t want it.
I say, “There is no other reason for that number other than diabetes?”
He says no.
Hailey is crying quietly now. She knows diabetics take shots.
The doctor looks at me, at my little kids and says
“Do you have someone who could watch your other children? I would suggest you go to Primary Children’s emergency room. I would also suggest you don’t wait or…”
He looks at Hailey and stops.
I nod.
“I know,” I say, “the worst could happen.”
“Yes,” he says, “the worst.”
Hailey is crying openly now, asking me why we have to go to another hospital. Why can’t I just give her some medicine? Begging, pleading for no shots.
I tell her Primary’s is the best hospital. That it has a playroom and they give you a stuffed animal.
At Primary’s we learn Hailey’s number has blood sugar even higher and we are thankful we got her there when we did. She is miserable and cries that whole first day. Her veins are too little; she is too dehydrated to get blood drawn. They try over and over and I let them and hold Hailey’s hand. She is poked and injected and fed fluids through IV’s and she just cries and accepts it.
At one point, she glares at me and says “You said this hospital was a nice place. I hate it.”
In that moment I hate it too.
But the next day, she wakes hydrated and filled with insulin and is allowed to eat. They let her eat whatever she wants.
She chooses pancakes and chocolate milk.
They bring her toys from the playroom.
They give her a wooden heart to paint and glitter up.
They let her watch Robin Hood.
She tells me this is the nicest hospital with the nicest nurses.
In that moment I think so too.
Here is our story:
October:
I notice little things. Hailey drinks a lot, I tell myself. Has she always peed this much? I ask why she is drinking so much and she shrugs and tells me she’s just thirsty. There is a tiny little part of me that whispers Diabetes but it’s not that bad, she doesn’t drink that much. I push it aside. She plays a lot. If I ran around that much I would be thirsty too.
At night, I hear her get up to go to the bathroom several times. Her nightly drink of water becomes 2 and 3. She is just adjusting to the new house and waking herself up, I tell myself as I hear the Diabetes whisper again.
First weeks in November.
Hailey starts getting little tummy aches at night. She wakes up disoriented and uncomfortable. But Hailey has always had a sensitive stomach and she sleepwalks. It must be that.
It becomes a joke around the house how much Hailey drinks and pees. But it’s harmless, I tell myself. She just has a small bladder.
The diabetes whisper is whisper-yelling at me now.
Middle of November.
Hailey is tired. Always tired. She doesn’t go outside to play anymore and if I suggest it, she plays for a few minutes then comes and lies around.
That little whisper isn’t a whisper anymore.
It’s eating at me.
I mention it to Brian. But I follow it with, I am probably just making too much of it.
She is drinking more than ever and she looks dehydrated.
Her tummy hurts.
She says she is too tired to walk to school… around the corner.
Brian looks up symptoms and two things pull up:
Leukemia and diabetes.
I pray for diabetes.
While waiting for my appointment the next day, I monitor Hailey’s drinking. 80 ounces in 3 hours. That’s more than a two liter. She Pees every half hour. Her stomach hurts. Her lips are chapped and her eyes are sunken and red. The whisper is a yelling fact now: something is wrong.
Now I pray its diabetes.
The pediatrician sends us to the lab for blood and urine tests. He puts a rush on the order. They tell us to wait. We wait 3 minutes before we see the lab tech zoom out of the back, telling us nothing other than to follow her.
We can’t keep up with her.
There is only one reason to move so fast.
I know.
The doctor asks me if I know what a normal blood sugar is.
“60?” I say.
“Yes.” he says.
He glances at Hailey and rather than speaks, shows me on paper.
“Do you see Hailey’s blood sugar?”
I read > 800.
I know.
I knew.
I just didn’t want it.
I say, “There is no other reason for that number other than diabetes?”
He says no.
Hailey is crying quietly now. She knows diabetics take shots.
The doctor looks at me, at my little kids and says
“Do you have someone who could watch your other children? I would suggest you go to Primary Children’s emergency room. I would also suggest you don’t wait or…”
He looks at Hailey and stops.
I nod.
“I know,” I say, “the worst could happen.”
“Yes,” he says, “the worst.”
Hailey is crying openly now, asking me why we have to go to another hospital. Why can’t I just give her some medicine? Begging, pleading for no shots.
I tell her Primary’s is the best hospital. That it has a playroom and they give you a stuffed animal.
At Primary’s we learn Hailey’s number has blood sugar even higher and we are thankful we got her there when we did. She is miserable and cries that whole first day. Her veins are too little; she is too dehydrated to get blood drawn. They try over and over and I let them and hold Hailey’s hand. She is poked and injected and fed fluids through IV’s and she just cries and accepts it.
At one point, she glares at me and says “You said this hospital was a nice place. I hate it.”
In that moment I hate it too.
But the next day, she wakes hydrated and filled with insulin and is allowed to eat. They let her eat whatever she wants.
She chooses pancakes and chocolate milk.
They bring her toys from the playroom.
They give her a wooden heart to paint and glitter up.
They let her watch Robin Hood.
She tells me this is the nicest hospital with the nicest nurses.
In that moment I think so too.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
home again, home again, jiggety jig...
We are home.
Yesterday I would have written that like this:
WE ARE GOING HOME!!
But when I got home I realized that at the hospital, my only focus was Hailey and Diabetes.
But at home I have three other children that haven't seen me in days.
I have a house, that hasn't seen it's keeper in days.
A fridge that was empty and
laundry that was overflowing.
So last night was hard.
Hailey decided she was done with being understanding about all the poking and injecting and decided to start refusing. Porter needed rice cereal and started screaming. Caleb was crying/whining about something (no nap), and Jonas was desperately trying to tell me all about something he read in his book while we were gone.
OVERLOAD.
So my brother came with dinner (bless him), Caleb was quickly pacified by the diet sodas he brought along with dinner, Jonas started telling Brian all about whatever it was while he fed Porter, I had a heart to heart with Hailey which resulted in a hug and a shot in the tummy, and we set off to the store to fill the fridge.
Hailey reminded me we must bring her meter everywhere we go now, so we ran back in and grabbed it.
We shopped for "free" items like sugar free jello cups, string cheeses, and sugar free popcicles. (no carbs is the game we play now.)
We ran into many people and had to stop and talk.
Finally we loaded up and pulled out of the store when I realized the meter wasn't with us.
Really?
Day one and I already screwed up.
We searched the store and carts for an hour with no luck. Hailey was in a complete panic. She needed her night snack and shot so we left our name with the front desk and went home.
Dinner was still sitting out.
SIGH....
So I got her checked, shot and fed. Cleaned up, threw in some laundry, and promptly crashed. Brian handled the other kids and monitored Hailey in the night for me.
I woke up this morning and Hailey was back to being Super Hailey. She said having diabetes is cool because she got presents and special snacks.
And the shots and pokes no longer hurt.
The kitchen was still clean.
Laundry semi done.
And there was a message on the machine that the store found Hailey's meter.
So I think we are on an upswing.
Yesterday I would have written that like this:
WE ARE GOING HOME!!
But when I got home I realized that at the hospital, my only focus was Hailey and Diabetes.
But at home I have three other children that haven't seen me in days.
I have a house, that hasn't seen it's keeper in days.
A fridge that was empty and
laundry that was overflowing.
So last night was hard.
Hailey decided she was done with being understanding about all the poking and injecting and decided to start refusing. Porter needed rice cereal and started screaming. Caleb was crying/whining about something (no nap), and Jonas was desperately trying to tell me all about something he read in his book while we were gone.
OVERLOAD.
So my brother came with dinner (bless him), Caleb was quickly pacified by the diet sodas he brought along with dinner, Jonas started telling Brian all about whatever it was while he fed Porter, I had a heart to heart with Hailey which resulted in a hug and a shot in the tummy, and we set off to the store to fill the fridge.
Hailey reminded me we must bring her meter everywhere we go now, so we ran back in and grabbed it.
We shopped for "free" items like sugar free jello cups, string cheeses, and sugar free popcicles. (no carbs is the game we play now.)
We ran into many people and had to stop and talk.
Finally we loaded up and pulled out of the store when I realized the meter wasn't with us.
Really?
Day one and I already screwed up.
We searched the store and carts for an hour with no luck. Hailey was in a complete panic. She needed her night snack and shot so we left our name with the front desk and went home.
Dinner was still sitting out.
SIGH....
So I got her checked, shot and fed. Cleaned up, threw in some laundry, and promptly crashed. Brian handled the other kids and monitored Hailey in the night for me.
I woke up this morning and Hailey was back to being Super Hailey. She said having diabetes is cool because she got presents and special snacks.
And the shots and pokes no longer hurt.
The kitchen was still clean.
Laundry semi done.
And there was a message on the machine that the store found Hailey's meter.
So I think we are on an upswing.
Saturday, November 21, 2009
thoughts
key tones, hyperglycemia hypoglycemia, endocrinology, humilog, lantis, glucagon correction injections, carb injections....
This week my brain desperately wanted to explode.
But my heart did instead.
It is too full of gratitude, love, pride, and joy in this little girl.
I don't know if I can think of a stronger little girl.
I don't know if I could at 30, handle all the changes she has this week as well as she is.
In the hospital I lay awake every night thinking.
I think lots.
I think about how uncomfortable these "beds" are, but glad I can stay with Hailey.
I think about how loud and beepy hospitals are but glad I can be in the best of the best.
I think about how hard it is to have this disease but how blessed we are to have a name and expectations and a way to manage it.
I think about how perfect and fitting this year's family theme of courage is now.
But
I never wonder why because I already know...
Because she is strong.
Because she can be a light.
Because she can do anything.
And because I needed to spice my life up a little more.
and spicy it will be.
Friday, November 20, 2009
Thankful
I am thankful for my children who are my life.
I am thankful for my daughter who has amazed me with her strength the past few days.
I am thankful for the persistent nagging of what some people call a mother's intuition, but what I call the spirit.
I am thankful for a doctor who covers all the bases.
I am thankful for a husband who tells me we can make it through anything.
I am thankful we usually do.
We will be enjoying life at Primary Childrens for then next few days as we try to understand Hailey's newly diagnosed Diabetes. We had a scary and hard past few days but she has shone through it. She is amazing and wonderful and I am so proud to be her mom.
The girl is a trooper.
I am thankful for my daughter who has amazed me with her strength the past few days.
I am thankful for the persistent nagging of what some people call a mother's intuition, but what I call the spirit.
I am thankful for a doctor who covers all the bases.
I am thankful for a husband who tells me we can make it through anything.
I am thankful we usually do.
We will be enjoying life at Primary Childrens for then next few days as we try to understand Hailey's newly diagnosed Diabetes. We had a scary and hard past few days but she has shone through it. She is amazing and wonderful and I am so proud to be her mom.
The girl is a trooper.
Monday, November 9, 2009
Desperate times call for desperate measures
Sometimes in life you want things. Things you can’t have.
And when that happens you just have to face it and make due.
Little brothers were not on Hailey’s list of wants, but she has courageously adapted.
And now Hailey has reason to smile…
Because little brothers aren’t the end of the world.
Little brothers can still be eager students.
They can be willing participants.
They can be adoring fans.
And they can give the best hugs.
Life can still be good with those little boys around.
smellier perhaps, but still good.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
[insert giant exhausted sigh here]
Today was a long day.
First there was the 1.5 hours of sleep.
Total.
There was the sick and crying baby.
There was a sick mom.
There was a three year old. (need I say more?)
There was getting the kids off 30 minutes early to school. (no small feat).
There was forgetting to make the lunches.
There was a three year old.
There was a flood.
There was thankfully a skilled husband to jump on the cleaning and drying of said flood.
SIDE NOTE: little do you know that the drying system used by mitigation experts is also an in house sauna! seriously 99 degrees in my home. No joke. And also this sauna just so happens to be louder than a Kiss concert! So fun!
There was more sickness.
There was a three year old.
There were no naps.
There were children on sugar highs.
So at 7:50 tonight, I told the husband I was off to the store for medicine and Dr. Pepper.
And that I was taking the LONG way home.
First there was the 1.5 hours of sleep.
Total.
There was the sick and crying baby.
There was a sick mom.
There was a three year old. (need I say more?)
There was getting the kids off 30 minutes early to school. (no small feat).
There was forgetting to make the lunches.
There was a three year old.
There was a flood.
There was thankfully a skilled husband to jump on the cleaning and drying of said flood.
SIDE NOTE: little do you know that the drying system used by mitigation experts is also an in house sauna! seriously 99 degrees in my home. No joke. And also this sauna just so happens to be louder than a Kiss concert! So fun!
There was more sickness.
There was a three year old.
There were no naps.
There were children on sugar highs.
So at 7:50 tonight, I told the husband I was off to the store for medicine and Dr. Pepper.
And that I was taking the LONG way home.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
baby steps
Fall has always been my my favorite time of year. Not just because of the beautiful colors and the lovely cooler temperatures, but because important significant things have always happened to me during fall. (like changing life directions, like "finding" myself, like meeting and getting to know my husband...)
I just feel fall.
I feel happy, warm, honest, giving...
There is just no better time of year.
But there is one part about fall that I don't enjoy:
Halloween.
Yes, I know some of you are convulsing with sadness and outrage (Heather and Marla in particular), but I loathe Halloween.
You see, fall sets off my inner alarm clock for Christmas planning and shopping. I get in the Christmas spirit in late September so I find it hard to enjoy spending 60$ on some cheap polyester and Velcro costumes that will cause my children to slide into hypothermia by dusk on Halloween night.
I hate spending 15$ at a pumpkin patch just so my kids can gut a pumpkin that will inevitably be smashed by some kids trying to live out their teenage rebellion and leave me to clean up the remains.
I hate buying Halloween candy, eating it, then having to go buy more.
I hate all the horror movies and haunted houses.
I just hate spending all the time, money and energy on a pointless holiday when I really just want to fast forward to one that really matters. (Bring on thanksgiving and Christmas!)
But when you are mom, you don't get to skip holidays. Especially ones that involve your children ingesting lethal quantities of sugar.
So in an effort to be mother of the year, I have made a concerted effort to be more chipper about the whole holiday this year.
Here is my progress:
I bought some candy corn and stuck it in a jar.
I made some Halloween signs and put them in my home.
I made orange colored hot chocolate for the kids. (that stuff is NASTY.)
and I didn't complain once about the cost of the cheap, er, super cool costumes.
And Monday, I took the kids to the pumpkin patch. I let them pick out pumpkins. I didn't go so far as to take pictures, but I took them, and I didn't complain about spending the money on something that will be smashed on my street in a week.
We brought them home and set them on the porch.
And that, my friends, is where my progress shall end.
Mother of the year or not, you can't make me carve them.
In fact, you cannot even make me clean up the mess.
This is when being in a parenting partnership comes in handy.
This weekend, as I lounge on the couch reading a book,
I will let my husband be the mom.
and I am so OK with that.
I just feel fall.
I feel happy, warm, honest, giving...
There is just no better time of year.
But there is one part about fall that I don't enjoy:
Halloween.
Yes, I know some of you are convulsing with sadness and outrage (Heather and Marla in particular), but I loathe Halloween.
You see, fall sets off my inner alarm clock for Christmas planning and shopping. I get in the Christmas spirit in late September so I find it hard to enjoy spending 60$ on some cheap polyester and Velcro costumes that will cause my children to slide into hypothermia by dusk on Halloween night.
I hate spending 15$ at a pumpkin patch just so my kids can gut a pumpkin that will inevitably be smashed by some kids trying to live out their teenage rebellion and leave me to clean up the remains.
I hate buying Halloween candy, eating it, then having to go buy more.
I hate all the horror movies and haunted houses.
I just hate spending all the time, money and energy on a pointless holiday when I really just want to fast forward to one that really matters. (Bring on thanksgiving and Christmas!)
But when you are mom, you don't get to skip holidays. Especially ones that involve your children ingesting lethal quantities of sugar.
So in an effort to be mother of the year, I have made a concerted effort to be more chipper about the whole holiday this year.
Here is my progress:
I bought some candy corn and stuck it in a jar.
I made some Halloween signs and put them in my home.
I made orange colored hot chocolate for the kids. (that stuff is NASTY.)
and I didn't complain once about the cost of the cheap, er, super cool costumes.
And Monday, I took the kids to the pumpkin patch. I let them pick out pumpkins. I didn't go so far as to take pictures, but I took them, and I didn't complain about spending the money on something that will be smashed on my street in a week.
We brought them home and set them on the porch.
And that, my friends, is where my progress shall end.
Mother of the year or not, you can't make me carve them.
In fact, you cannot even make me clean up the mess.
This is when being in a parenting partnership comes in handy.
This weekend, as I lounge on the couch reading a book,
I will let my husband be the mom.
and I am so OK with that.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
we knew him when...
Brian and I love music. In fact, our love for good music (the kind you hear and get chills from) is largely what brought us together.
And please do not mistake that statement as any sort of declaration that I have any musical abilities WHATSOEVER.
But, my husband can sing. I mean, really sing.
He can play the guitar. I mean, really play.
He can write songs that will get stuck in your head for a month... (trust me on this one.)
He's our own music genius.
We are very proud of him.
So, naturally, when we had offspring we were sure music would be a BIG thing with them.
And it was.
It always is with little ones.
But then they turned 5.
And start to grow inhibitions.
And the music got buried deep within them.
It only peeks out now when we show them a piece of music genius and they get the chills and ask to listen to it again.
It makes me sad that Jonas, the boy who would sing for anyone, won't even open his mouth anymore.
It breaks my heart that the girl who sang in front of LOTS of people at her dad's concert wouldn't be caught dead on stage anymore.
But the up side to our sad story is him:
He is different in every.single.way.
He needs a stage.
He sings like it is part of him.
He feels it.
He makes us have hope in the musical future of this family.
And please do not mistake that statement as any sort of declaration that I have any musical abilities WHATSOEVER.
But, my husband can sing. I mean, really sing.
He can play the guitar. I mean, really play.
He can write songs that will get stuck in your head for a month... (trust me on this one.)
He's our own music genius.
We are very proud of him.
So, naturally, when we had offspring we were sure music would be a BIG thing with them.
And it was.
It always is with little ones.
But then they turned 5.
And start to grow inhibitions.
And the music got buried deep within them.
It only peeks out now when we show them a piece of music genius and they get the chills and ask to listen to it again.
It makes me sad that Jonas, the boy who would sing for anyone, won't even open his mouth anymore.
It breaks my heart that the girl who sang in front of LOTS of people at her dad's concert wouldn't be caught dead on stage anymore.
But the up side to our sad story is him:
He is different in every.single.way.
He needs a stage.
He sings like it is part of him.
He feels it.
He makes us have hope in the musical future of this family.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
To a friend...
Dear Val,
thank you for commiserating with me on the cost of this stuff:
It costs an arm and a leg.
Thank you, thank you for turning me onto the Sam's Club version.
It is twice the size and only costs and arm!
Thank you, thank you, thank you
for making the trip to Sam's every few weeks to buy some for me.
Now I can take all that money I am saving and spend it on some ear plugs.
Why?
Because I have a fourth grader and you know what that means:
Jonas came home with the recorder last week and practiced ALL WEEKEND LONG. You feel bad for me?
Well it gets worse:
bless his heart, I think my ears are going to bleed to death and fall off if I don't do something about it soon.
Feel free to commiserate with me on this too.
love,
your nearly deaf, but happy to be saving $ friend,
mel
thank you for commiserating with me on the cost of this stuff:
It costs an arm and a leg.
Thank you, thank you for turning me onto the Sam's Club version.
It is twice the size and only costs and arm!
Thank you, thank you, thank you
for making the trip to Sam's every few weeks to buy some for me.
Now I can take all that money I am saving and spend it on some ear plugs.
Why?
Because I have a fourth grader and you know what that means:
Jonas came home with the recorder last week and practiced ALL WEEKEND LONG. You feel bad for me?
Well it gets worse:
bless his heart, I think my ears are going to bleed to death and fall off if I don't do something about it soon.
Feel free to commiserate with me on this too.
love,
your nearly deaf, but happy to be saving $ friend,
mel
Monday, October 12, 2009
Dear Home,
We haven't had a home of our own in a long time. Four years to be precise. We really missed it. We loved our old home and my in laws home (in which we spent the last 4 years), but we have never had a home we love so much as you.
I think the best way to appreciate something is to not have it. FOR A LONG TIME. To crave it, and even cry for it a little. Then when you get it, it doesn't matter what it looks like, it is just thrilling.
So, dear house, we like you.
You are neat. You remind me of the 80's.
(See cabinetry.)
You are quirky.
(see laundry in the garage.)
You overcompensate.
(See 2nd kitchen in the basement.)
You have LOADS of fancy upgrades.
(See outdoor thermometer.)
(AND see STAINLESS STEEL pencil sharpener.)
You have lots of "potential".
(See pretty much everything in the house.)
So to sum it all up House, we love you.
Not for what you are,
but for what we are when we are within you...
a family.
Friday, October 9, 2009
One man's trash...
I will let you in on a little secret.
Brian has been known on occasion, to get a teeny bit annoyed with me.
I know this fact is shocking. I know it is difficult to wrap your brain around. You very well may loose sleep over this revelation, but...
it's true.
One thing Brian gets annoyed with is the fact that I let the kids use our camera.
It's not that it's nice by any means, but it's all we've got and my kids do have a poor track record for keeping things in tact and in working order.
So, he does have a point.
But I still rarely heed his advice on this.
Why you ask? (I know you didn't but go with me on this one...)
Because I love seeing the world through their eyes. I love to see what they capture on the lens. The pictures are by no means award winning shots, but they are life.
They are all the little things that I love.
They are all the precious unimportant things:
Like Hailey capturing her dad giving them what he calls the "daily dose" at breakfast. (a thought and scripture to start the day).
Or Caleb shooting his "house" that he worked on tirelessly with his dad while mom worked on homework with the other kids. Something I would have missed had he not taken the photographic evidence:
It's Caleb taking a picture of the things that matter most in this world:
(things that are always discarded somewhere on the floor and I am always stepping over and cursing.)
It's Hailey shooting Jonas holding Porter. Always holding Porter.
It makes me see his goofy side. but it make me look deeper and see the love he has for his baby brother. The tender heart he has. The generous nature he possesses.
it's someone (I don't know who) capturing all we had in our food storage room for the first few weeks:
Hey don't judge me... they were 78 cents! And please don't bring up my post about giving the stuff up. I am not into public announcements of my failures.
It's in all the kids snapping away at all different angles at their favorite toy:
In the last 6 weeks I have taken literally no shots of this little guy. I would have no documentation of him whatsoever if it weren't for my kids. and blurry documentation is better than no documentation. That's what I always say.
It's some random child capturing childhood in a perfect light like this:
it makes me think how someday, I will open the back door and I won't see things like this anymore. It makes me warm and happy to know I see it now.
and it's Caleb, capturing Saturday morning breakfast.
it's the little things that are so important, but that I won't remember 15 years from now. But thanks to my kids and their camera addiction, I get all this documented right under my nose, while I am attending to my other duties. (I threw that in there so it makes cooking and doing the dishes sound REALLY important. It worked, right?)
So now you see why I ignore Brian.
And some day he will too.
Brian has been known on occasion, to get a teeny bit annoyed with me.
I know this fact is shocking. I know it is difficult to wrap your brain around. You very well may loose sleep over this revelation, but...
it's true.
One thing Brian gets annoyed with is the fact that I let the kids use our camera.
It's not that it's nice by any means, but it's all we've got and my kids do have a poor track record for keeping things in tact and in working order.
So, he does have a point.
But I still rarely heed his advice on this.
Why you ask? (I know you didn't but go with me on this one...)
Because I love seeing the world through their eyes. I love to see what they capture on the lens. The pictures are by no means award winning shots, but they are life.
They are all the little things that I love.
They are all the precious unimportant things:
Like Hailey capturing her dad giving them what he calls the "daily dose" at breakfast. (a thought and scripture to start the day).
Or Caleb shooting his "house" that he worked on tirelessly with his dad while mom worked on homework with the other kids. Something I would have missed had he not taken the photographic evidence:
It's Caleb taking a picture of the things that matter most in this world:
(things that are always discarded somewhere on the floor and I am always stepping over and cursing.)It's Hailey shooting Jonas holding Porter. Always holding Porter.
It makes me see his goofy side. but it make me look deeper and see the love he has for his baby brother. The tender heart he has. The generous nature he possesses.it's someone (I don't know who) capturing all we had in our food storage room for the first few weeks:
Hey don't judge me... they were 78 cents! And please don't bring up my post about giving the stuff up. I am not into public announcements of my failures.It's in all the kids snapping away at all different angles at their favorite toy:
In the last 6 weeks I have taken literally no shots of this little guy. I would have no documentation of him whatsoever if it weren't for my kids. and blurry documentation is better than no documentation. That's what I always say.It's some random child capturing childhood in a perfect light like this:
it makes me think how someday, I will open the back door and I won't see things like this anymore. It makes me warm and happy to know I see it now.and it's Caleb, capturing Saturday morning breakfast.
it's the little things that are so important, but that I won't remember 15 years from now. But thanks to my kids and their camera addiction, I get all this documented right under my nose, while I am attending to my other duties. (I threw that in there so it makes cooking and doing the dishes sound REALLY important. It worked, right?)
So now you see why I ignore Brian.
And some day he will too.
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Absence makes the heart....
I have been chastised more than I care to admit about my lack of posting. But people keep letting me slide, assuming that I am busy unpacking.
However, I am not.
I unpack a box or two a day. (That is how the lazy move)
Truth is,
Internet, I am just not that into you.
I don't know why.
I sit down and I can't think of anything remotely interesting to write.
Instead I have been spending time:
1. starting and completing little projects that are very low priority, but make me happy anyway.
like a place for the homework:
and a place for the artwork:
2. going to the DI over and over and over in search of very cheap things, like plates.
3. Buying a swiffer wet jet. (side note: I pledge my allegiance to the swiffer wet jet. really. If it were to run for president, I would vote for it... I kid you not!)
4. Sitting in the "library." Attempting to read. (Reading, I am just not into you either....sorry)
5. Staring at my hands. They could use lotion.
6. Baking banana bread... this is interesting because I happen to think that bananas are the most disgusting edible object on the planet.
7. Watch drool fall out of this baby's mouth which is permanently in this position:
(p.s. photo courtesy Jonas.)
(p.p.s. that very gross blob thing on the table are sticky buns. and they taste about a million times better than they look.)
8. Making little things for an upcoming charity event my sister in law is throwing, because I am just that giving:
Overall, on my Internet vacation, I have been semi productive. It has been nice. But the Internet is like chocolate. You can't stay away for too long, it calls you back with it's sweet aroma and rich taste.
OK, wait... maybe the Internet isn't THAT much like chocolate.
But you know what I meant.
So internet... you can count me back in.
However, I am not.
I unpack a box or two a day. (That is how the lazy move)
Truth is,
Internet, I am just not that into you.
I don't know why.
I sit down and I can't think of anything remotely interesting to write.
Instead I have been spending time:
1. starting and completing little projects that are very low priority, but make me happy anyway.
like a place for the homework:
and a place for the artwork:
2. going to the DI over and over and over in search of very cheap things, like plates.
3. Buying a swiffer wet jet. (side note: I pledge my allegiance to the swiffer wet jet. really. If it were to run for president, I would vote for it... I kid you not!)
4. Sitting in the "library." Attempting to read. (Reading, I am just not into you either....sorry)
5. Staring at my hands. They could use lotion.
6. Baking banana bread... this is interesting because I happen to think that bananas are the most disgusting edible object on the planet.
7. Watch drool fall out of this baby's mouth which is permanently in this position:
(p.s. photo courtesy Jonas.)
(p.p.s. that very gross blob thing on the table are sticky buns. and they taste about a million times better than they look.)
8. Making little things for an upcoming charity event my sister in law is throwing, because I am just that giving:
Overall, on my Internet vacation, I have been semi productive. It has been nice. But the Internet is like chocolate. You can't stay away for too long, it calls you back with it's sweet aroma and rich taste.
OK, wait... maybe the Internet isn't THAT much like chocolate.
But you know what I meant.
So internet... you can count me back in.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
a slight pause
Moving is hard for many reasons. But one that I have really began to understand is that you literally ignore your children for days, weeks even. (let's hope not months!)
I have been so wrapped up in getting junk, moving junk, throwing away junk, putting away junk, and setting up junk, that I feel like PBS Kids has become Caleb's mother. And I think poor little Porter has wondered if he was suddenly shipped to an orphanage in some third world country where the babies are never held.
I go to bed so happy to have the house, but guilty at the cost I am paying to get it all set up. My kids need some good quality mommy time.
So I am officially on pause.
I am going to immerse myself in cooking and serving plastic food,
building towers with the sole purpose of knocking them down,
getting crazy with the play dough,
and filling my arms with a cheerful baby while exercising my vocal chords by squealing as high pitched as they will allow.
work will resume as scheduled tomorrow.
p.s. I read this today and LOVED it. I totally subscribe to this way of thinking but could never articulate it properly. Take a moment to enjoy!
I have been so wrapped up in getting junk, moving junk, throwing away junk, putting away junk, and setting up junk, that I feel like PBS Kids has become Caleb's mother. And I think poor little Porter has wondered if he was suddenly shipped to an orphanage in some third world country where the babies are never held.
I go to bed so happy to have the house, but guilty at the cost I am paying to get it all set up. My kids need some good quality mommy time.
So I am officially on pause.
I am going to immerse myself in cooking and serving plastic food,
building towers with the sole purpose of knocking them down,
getting crazy with the play dough,
and filling my arms with a cheerful baby while exercising my vocal chords by squealing as high pitched as they will allow.
work will resume as scheduled tomorrow.
p.s. I read this today and LOVED it. I totally subscribe to this way of thinking but could never articulate it properly. Take a moment to enjoy!
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
still alive... i think.
I am still here.
We are moving.
This should be very exciting, in fact the last sentence should have been riddled with exclamation points.
In fact, I should have started this post like this:
OH MY GOSH!!!!
YOU TOTALLY WONT BELIEVE IT!!!
BUT WE DID IT!!!
WE FOUND A HOUSE!!!
WE ARE THRILLED!!!
DETAILS TO COME!!!
But I am too tired to be excited.
Moving a family of six sucks.
Moving a family of six while your husband is at work, sucks even worse.
Moving a family of six while your husband is at work and you have a baby that likes to be held is sucks REAL bad.
But moving a Moving a family of six while your husband is at work and you have a baby that likes to be held and little boy who likes to break things sucks the most.
Hang in there... I will be back soon.
Like in a few years.
We are moving.
This should be very exciting, in fact the last sentence should have been riddled with exclamation points.
In fact, I should have started this post like this:
OH MY GOSH!!!!
YOU TOTALLY WONT BELIEVE IT!!!
BUT WE DID IT!!!
WE FOUND A HOUSE!!!
WE ARE THRILLED!!!
DETAILS TO COME!!!
But I am too tired to be excited.
Moving a family of six sucks.
Moving a family of six while your husband is at work, sucks even worse.
Moving a family of six while your husband is at work and you have a baby that likes to be held is sucks REAL bad.
But moving a Moving a family of six while your husband is at work and you have a baby that likes to be held and little boy who likes to break things sucks the most.
Hang in there... I will be back soon.
Like in a few years.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
too much of a good thing
One day last week when I was elbow deep in some family crafting time with my mother and sister in laws, Hailey came home and asked to have a friend over. A girl named Emma who had never been here before. I graciously said yes and her mom brought her over and we met briefly and made arrangements for her to be picked up at 5:30. Jonas played with the girls and it seemed like they all were having a great time. At about 5:10, the kids asked if they could go outside and again, I graciously answered yes. Whenever someone in this house mentions the word "outside", Caleb's ears perk up and he comes running. He decided to join the fun.
5:30 came, and I was still elbow deep in a craft, when the doorbell rang. I asked Brian if he would quickly call the kids in while I went to answer the door. The mom and I chatted for a little bit and Brian wasn't coming with the kids. I figured he must not have heard me ask him to grab them, so I told the mom to just hang on I would call the kids in from the back yard.
Only they weren't there.
Brian had been calling. They weren't answering. I called. No answer. My in laws joined in the calling; no answers.
It is at this moment I realized I had to go back in the house and tell that mom that I kind of misplaced her kid temporarily.
That was rather embarrassing.
Everyone then spread out searching for the kids, while I awkwardly tried to carry on a casual conversation with the mom who was playing it cool too, but I am sure was thinking how much she would like to give social services my name and number. After 30 minutes of calling and searching, Brian jumped on the four wheeler and head to the gully about half a mile behind our house.
And that is where we found them all, giant walking sticks in hand, going on a leisurely stroll through the fox invested gully.
Brian, in his meanest dad voice, told them to move it back to the house asap and rode back to tell us he found them. I looked at the mom and said, "Gosh, I am sorry I lost your kid.. he he. I am sure you will crossing Hailey off Emma's friend list."
She was very nice and assured me it was OK. and that Emma would call Hailey soon and maybe next time they could play at THEIR house.
Hailey has yet to be invited.
After they left, I lay into my lecture very politely asking the kids what was going through their brains. The thought didn't occur to any of them to ask permission. Hailey said half way through their journey she asked Jonas if mom knew they were doing this, and Jonas replied nonchalantly that I did not. She said she knew then she was in trouble but couldn't turn back on her own. So no one had an answer for me. Why would they do something so bold, so dangerous, so clearly against the rules?
I can only come up with this.
courage.
I am thinking maybe they caught the courage theme wave and rode it a bit too far.
I told them dad and I would have to talk about punishments and get back to them.
Brian and I decided to ground them from friends for the month and have each of them do an extra job for me every day for a week (like clean out the car, scrub the shower..). When Jonas heard this, he begged and pleaded to change the job part of the punishment to no xbox. (This works for him, because he plays xbox about three times a year.) I said that no, this punishment was going to stay. To which he dramatically stated this was THE WORST PUNISHMENT HE HAD EVER RECEIVED IN HIS LIFE.
Brian looked at me and said, "We are so not doing our job as parents."
We see now, that our theme, courage, needs to be had by us as as parents as we increase the severity of our children's punishments. Because there is just no way Jonas can have an angst ridden teenage existence if the worst punishment he ever received was an extra chore.
5:30 came, and I was still elbow deep in a craft, when the doorbell rang. I asked Brian if he would quickly call the kids in while I went to answer the door. The mom and I chatted for a little bit and Brian wasn't coming with the kids. I figured he must not have heard me ask him to grab them, so I told the mom to just hang on I would call the kids in from the back yard.
Only they weren't there.
Brian had been calling. They weren't answering. I called. No answer. My in laws joined in the calling; no answers.
It is at this moment I realized I had to go back in the house and tell that mom that I kind of misplaced her kid temporarily.
That was rather embarrassing.
Everyone then spread out searching for the kids, while I awkwardly tried to carry on a casual conversation with the mom who was playing it cool too, but I am sure was thinking how much she would like to give social services my name and number. After 30 minutes of calling and searching, Brian jumped on the four wheeler and head to the gully about half a mile behind our house.
And that is where we found them all, giant walking sticks in hand, going on a leisurely stroll through the fox invested gully.
Brian, in his meanest dad voice, told them to move it back to the house asap and rode back to tell us he found them. I looked at the mom and said, "Gosh, I am sorry I lost your kid.. he he. I am sure you will crossing Hailey off Emma's friend list."
She was very nice and assured me it was OK. and that Emma would call Hailey soon and maybe next time they could play at THEIR house.
Hailey has yet to be invited.
After they left, I lay into my lecture very politely asking the kids what was going through their brains. The thought didn't occur to any of them to ask permission. Hailey said half way through their journey she asked Jonas if mom knew they were doing this, and Jonas replied nonchalantly that I did not. She said she knew then she was in trouble but couldn't turn back on her own. So no one had an answer for me. Why would they do something so bold, so dangerous, so clearly against the rules?
I can only come up with this.
courage.
I am thinking maybe they caught the courage theme wave and rode it a bit too far.
I told them dad and I would have to talk about punishments and get back to them.
Brian and I decided to ground them from friends for the month and have each of them do an extra job for me every day for a week (like clean out the car, scrub the shower..). When Jonas heard this, he begged and pleaded to change the job part of the punishment to no xbox. (This works for him, because he plays xbox about three times a year.) I said that no, this punishment was going to stay. To which he dramatically stated this was THE WORST PUNISHMENT HE HAD EVER RECEIVED IN HIS LIFE.
Brian looked at me and said, "We are so not doing our job as parents."
We see now, that our theme, courage, needs to be had by us as as parents as we increase the severity of our children's punishments. Because there is just no way Jonas can have an angst ridden teenage existence if the worst punishment he ever received was an extra chore.
Friday, September 4, 2009
reality check
This morning I woke up and saw a bomb had exploded in my house. Well, maybe two. The kids toys, socks, clothes, books, shoes and trash were EVERYWHERE. My craft stuff was strewn about on every flat surface. Nothing was organized, nothing clean. Beds were not made. Laundry was not done. Dishes were piled.
This, my friends, is the result you get for taking a week off.
Looking at it, overwhelmed me. It pushed me right into the "don't bother me I am cleaning" mood with my kids.
So I put the baby down (much to his disappointment) and started getting to work.
Dishes piled? gone.
One load of laundry in.
I had just started picking up stuff when my baby just couldn't wait any longer and needed some food RIGHT.THIS. MINUTE.
I made a bottle, and plopped in front of the computer to feed him.
Then I read this.
And it just whipped me back into shape.
Then I thought about my two options.
Stress about the house?
Or rock my sweet cuddly baby and sing him some James Taylor?
Houses are meant to look lived in after all.
And no one would question that in this house, let me tell you...
This, my friends, is the result you get for taking a week off.
Looking at it, overwhelmed me. It pushed me right into the "don't bother me I am cleaning" mood with my kids.
So I put the baby down (much to his disappointment) and started getting to work.
Dishes piled? gone.
One load of laundry in.
I had just started picking up stuff when my baby just couldn't wait any longer and needed some food RIGHT.THIS. MINUTE.
I made a bottle, and plopped in front of the computer to feed him.
Then I read this.
And it just whipped me back into shape.
Then I thought about my two options.
Stress about the house?
Or rock my sweet cuddly baby and sing him some James Taylor?
Houses are meant to look lived in after all.
And no one would question that in this house, let me tell you...
Thursday, August 27, 2009
the first, the last
I can't believe it's already time to post the obligatory "first day of school" pictures. Summer flew by for us this year in a haze of diaper changes and late night feedings.
But what's new? It seems as though my life is flying by.
This kid, my oldest AND my baby at the same time, is entering fourth grade. FOURTH GRADE. I can't even comprehend fourth grade. He has come such a long way from that little stuttering toddler who cracked me up with his imagination on a daily basis.
And this girl, my little rollie pollie chubby baby, just entered first. I mean, I am fully aware that she is not the rollie pollie, chubby, slobbering baby she once was, but I also feel as though someone came in last night and stole that baby and put a wonderful funny little girl in her place. And the thing is I love them both equally, but I am sad.
Sad that I won't get kiss those big chubby baby cheeks.
Sad I won't hear that little stuttering boy blabber on about the parasaurolophus in his head.
And I am sad to know that if this much time has gone by this fast, that I am going to wake up tomorrow to their graduation.
And I can barely handle that thought.
At least I still have these two:
Sometimes that thought gives me a head ache.
But what's new? It seems as though my life is flying by.
This kid, my oldest AND my baby at the same time, is entering fourth grade. FOURTH GRADE. I can't even comprehend fourth grade. He has come such a long way from that little stuttering toddler who cracked me up with his imagination on a daily basis.
And this girl, my little rollie pollie chubby baby, just entered first. I mean, I am fully aware that she is not the rollie pollie, chubby, slobbering baby she once was, but I also feel as though someone came in last night and stole that baby and put a wonderful funny little girl in her place. And the thing is I love them both equally, but I am sad.Sad that I won't get kiss those big chubby baby cheeks.
Sad I won't hear that little stuttering boy blabber on about the parasaurolophus in his head.
And I am sad to know that if this much time has gone by this fast, that I am going to wake up tomorrow to their graduation.
And I can barely handle that thought.
At least I still have these two:
Sometimes that thought gives me a head ache.
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