Seventeen Pounds

This Russian baby weighed in at 17 pounds!! All I can say is Ouch.

SoYo, as Heidi would say

For those of you who didn't catch or don't watch So You Think You Can Dance, you should. Here is a clip from last night's show to prove why. This was my favorite routine of the night danced by a 17 year old Utah girl, Chelsea, and a very strange but talented guy by the name of mark. It's about a woman desperate for the love of her workaholic significant other. This is some dancing goodness... tell me what you think!



I love about 1:20 in where he begins to steal her heart. Such great choreography, is it not?

Job Satisfaction

Wow, that picture is a little freaky looking isn't it? I mean, I know my toes are a bit freakish, but really when you zoom in on any toes aren't they all a bit freakish?
A few years ago we started a tradition in the Swanson family. Whenever someone is having a major life event (marriage, baby, etc) we all go out for pedicures. My SIL Laurie is like due to have a large baby come out of her small body any minute, so yesterday we all went and had pedicures. (minus one very missed red head). And, had one of the six people actually brought a camera I would have posted a picture of all seven girls lined up in chairs, but apparently none of us have proper functioning brains. (I know, Sarah, if you had been there, you would have totally had your camera).
Let me tell you that my feet badly needed this. I know people always say that, but trust me when I say you have not seen feet like mine. It is this thought that always makes me extremely self conscious as I settle into that massage chair. Then the lady starts working on my feet, and she starts talking to the other ladies about something I cannot understand because I am not Korean or Vietnamese. But I am sure that lady was probably discussing how nasty my feet were and complaining to her co workers that she always gets the gross ones. They all chuckle after a bit, so I know I am right. But I wish I could tell them that my feet aren't anything once you have seen my husbands. Them are some nasty feet. He needs a pedicure so badly, but I just don't feel I could subject anyone to that torture. And if I did, I wouldn't be able to afford the tip.
Back to the point, she cleans my feet and begins the massage. I am looking around at all the other girls and they all look like they are relaxed and enjoying the pampering. I was not enjoying my massage, because it was more of a beating. Seriously, it was so rough! There was punching going on. I am sure she was taking out her frustrations of always getting the nasty footed people on my calves, and that's ok, because if I had her job I would probably be pretty dang sick of nasty feet too.
But the result was one that I am happy with; even if I end up covered in bruises.

Date and Interview with a Daughter

I enjoyed a mommy daughter date with a little girl on Saturday. She dressed herself, put on a little make up and got to choose where to go. She chose the mall. While this worries me greatly, I find hope in the fact that her main reason for wanting to go there was the carousel. She rode that, we took pictures in the photo booth, and then looked in the hellp kitty store. She ooed and awwed while I choked on the price of everything in that store. Then we looked in all the cheap jewelry stores and squealed in delight at all the high school musical paraphanelia. She settled on a Webkins and we went to Eat at Hot Dog on a Stick. There I had a stroke of genius. Why not be completely repetitive and interview her for the blog? That way, i don't have to think so hard about what to write. That makes my brain hurt. So here it is in all it's cheesiness:
Daughter: [while she is eating a Hot Dog on a stick] "Why do they call this a hot dog on a stick, when it is really a corn dog?"
Mom: Good point hailey, I have no idea. Except that maybe corn dogs should be called hot dogs on a stick, because that is really what they are.
Daughter: What?
Mom: Nevermind.
Mom: What's your favorite joke?
Daughter: [thinks for a second] OH! k, how does an elephant get on clothes? [staring expectantly at me]
Mom: [seeing that this will be origonal] uh.... i don't know. how?
Daughter: with his trunk! [giggles and giggles]
Mom: [laughter] did you make that up?
Daughter: yeah, how'd ya know?
Mom: 'Cuz it was sooo funny and I know how funny you are.
Daughter [chest puffing out a bit, completely pleased with herself] I know!
Mom: Who is the funniest person in our family?
Daughter: Points right at me and giggles, lots of giggles.
Mom: [faining surprise. moi? why? me?]
Daughter: Cause you say weird things and your make crazy eyes.
Mom: [laughing]
Daughter: Why do you laugh like that?
Mom: [abrubtly stopping] Like what?
Daughter: Like [imitates my laugh but makes it sound like an idiotic witch cackle]
Mom: Uh, I didn't know I sounded like that.
Daughter: Ya, its weird.
Mom: Well thanks for informing me. Who is the smartest person in our family?
Daughter: [thinks hard by staring at the ceiling] You.
Mom: [chest puffing out a bit, completely pleased with myself and clearly seeing that this 5 year old knows what she is talking about] Why me?
Daughter: 'Cuz you know when we want our sandwiches cut and when we want 'em whole.
Mom: That is rather smart of me; I think I deserve a Nobel prize, really.
Daughter: What?
Mom: Nevermind. What do I do that embarrasses you?
Daughter: [speaks very quickly] When you sing like an Oprah lady around the house.
Mom: [Loudly singing from enchanted] How does she know you love her? How does she know...?
Daughter: [face disappears in her hands, but I totally hear giggles]
Mom: What's the funnest thing we have ever done together?
Daughter: Mommy daughter dates. [long pause] Mom? can we do them until I die?
Mom: Yep. I plan on it. [pause] Hailey, I love you.
Daughter: [rolls her eyes and says in a very exasperated tone] I know; you already told me!

And somehow, I think in 10 years these little dates will be 10% fun and 90% annoying to her.

Interview with a husband

Me: I am going to ax you some questions for my blog, k?
Him: Uh, Why?
Me: Because I want to; get over it. K?
Him: Uh, oookkkaaayyy.
Me: So, What expression do I use way too often?
Him: Y'all. You use that waaayyy too much for me.
Me: What do I say or do that makes you laugh? I mean I know everything I say and do it hysterical to you, but try to narrow it down.
Him: (completely ignoring my comment) Your impersonation of my dad telling us boys what we are doing the next day.
Me: (nodding to myself because that is truly a good one), What do you believe comes easily for me?
Him: Making friends.
Me: What do you believe I struggle with?
Him: Being optimistic; giving yourself a break.
Me: (acknowledging that that is true) What's the longest we've ever talked on the phone?
Him: (laughing) All night.
Me: I have always just been so interesting, people struggle to let me off the phone. I get that a lot.
Him: (a big roll of the eyes.)
Me: Would I ever jump out of an airplane?
Him: (very quickly) NO.
Me: What was it that really attracted you to me? Besides my glamorous appearance?
Him: Your sense of humor. How you are very laid back.
Me: Was it love at first sight or a friendship that blossomed?
Him: Depends on who you ask... (glaring at me)
Me: I'm asking you, fool.
Him: Love at first sight, then.
Me: Ya! You better believe it!!
Him: (another big roll of the eyes)
Me: Ok... that's enough... I will not subject you to this torture any longer.
Him: OK.

Now if that is not riveting material I don't know what is! Seriously though... this was fun. Y'all should sit your spouse's down and ask them a bunch of random questions and post it. I would love to read it. So I guess this is a tag of sorts. You're it! And if you love me, you'll really do it. How's that for pressure?

Welcome, Vomit, back to my household

For those of you that assisted in my debloggerblocking, I thank you. For those that didn't, well, I guess you just don't really love me.... (sniff, sniff) Either that or you want to read less of me. And from the looks of my poll going on over on the sidebar, I guess 40% of you readers hate this blog, so that is very likely... hang on... something in my eyes.....
OK, so some of you were very helpful. In fact most of you were. To be precise, all of you were but one poor, mistaken gal. To which I have this to say, "Laurie, I think your 40 week pregnant brain is a little messed up. I am not expecting anything in the near future, other than butt shrinkage. AND I will add that Jenn is the only family member who has caught up with me and therefore the only one aloud to put the pressure on, thank you very much.
Love, your favorite sister in law. (I am positive that last line is true).
Getting Back to the point people, I have some stuff to go on, and I will get going on the regularly scheduled posting that you have all so desperately desired, just as soon as all my children are finished projectile vomiting. Have a good day. I am sure I will.

Calling any and all readers of Le Blog

OK... so I haven't blogged in a bit. Don't know that any of you have noticed, but it's been a few days. I have a problem. And it's very serious. I am suffering from blogger block. I cannot for the life of me think of anything remotely interesting to blog about. So the way I see it, there are 2 options. I can just not post until I think of something interesting (and by interesting I really mean mildly, border line interesting like the rest of this here blog), or y'all can help me. What can you do to save me from this desperate state? It's Easy. It's simple. A child could do it. Just give me ideas people. What do you want to hear about? Any burning questions you have had? Are you interested in where I stand on something? Because I am really very shy and rather unopinionated so you may not know where I stand on certain things. So, is there anything you want to read? Anybody? Anybody? Anybody? (if you don't know that movie reference you are either Jenn or Amish. Either is fine.)

Because I love You

For those of you who asked so nicely and with out further ado, I present you with my exercise playlist... these songs really get you moving!

Melly’s coolest of the cool playlist designed for working out very hard and very fast

1. Here I am by Air supply
2. I want to ride my bicycle by Queen
   
3. Don’t you wish your girlfriend was hot like me by someone I don’t know
4. I like Big Butts by Sir mix a lot
5. Silent all these years by Tori Amos – nothing like sad chick music to get you going
   
6. The Dance- Garth Brooks
7. Oops I did it Again- Brittany Spears
8. Hello – By Lynel Ritchie
9. My heart will go on- Celien Dion
   
10. Achey Brakey heart by Billie Ray Cyrus
    

Don't you find these are songs you could listen to over and over and over? No? Well maybe this will be a little more motivational... (I must say to Dan: I do not know how you music snobbery will stand with this list... you must let me know.)

On my Mind Today

1. I have to go to Costco for one thing. I hate going to Costco for one thing.
2. So you think You can dance was so good last night. Mia Michael's routine was my favorite.
3. I need to go exercise, but I really don't feel like it.
4. Pizza
5. My ipod's exercise playlist is the best. Really, I have outdone myself on that one.
6. polka dots.
7. I need a good, light-reading book to read. I need suggestions.
8. I hate Walmart's parking; how many Handicap people really go there at one time?
9. I really want a camera.
10. My bathroom desperately needs cleaning.
11. What was this photographer thinking?:



What's on your mind today?

Somebody Has to Say it

OK... so if I am going to keep it real, I must confess something. A huge pet peeve of mine. It's something that bothers me very very much. And it's something that I see every day in life but now it's also getting out of control in the mommy blogger world.
Has this ever happened to you? You are visiting a friend's blog and see someone you know but maybe haven't kept in touch with or someone you don't know really well but you click on it to see what they have been up to? Get a little peek into their life? You do, but then suddenly, you are bombarded with fakeness? [I know this sounds harsh but it is annoying to me]
I really dislike that some people have to act like their life is one big fairy tale, that the money tree in their yard is massive and endless, their romantic vacations are frequent and lavish, their children are always sweet, clean and perfect, and they make no mistakes and life is just one big ball of easiness. I can't stand this. And I will tell you why.
Because it is never true.
And we women put a lot of pressure on ourselves. We measure everyone's best against our worst. And when other women act like their lives are a picture perfect fairytale with no mistakes or mishaps, it makes other women feel like they are failing because they know their kids don't always look like they came out of a Gap catalog, and they have a budget, and their bathroom is dirty. I hate to perpetuate the cycle of women feeling less than, so I find myself sometimes airing dirty laundry just so people feel a little better by knowing that things don't run smoothly around here all the time either. Now, I know I am preaching to the choir; most of you women that read my blog don't have this misrepresenting syndrome, and I thank you for this!!
But just in case there is one mommy reader out there who is faking it, let me give you a piece of advice. Just be you in your life and in your posts. That is what people like you for and that is what they tune in for, not some second rate version of June Cleaver.
Rant ended.

Ready, Set, Go!

I have not posted in a few days because there has not been all that much to write about lately. Why? Because we are all pretty much doing one thing: A whole lot of this. We have been park hopping and trying out all the different parks and trails. So if anyone knows of any cool ones around you, please pass it my way.
I did not post any pictures of me doing this for several reasons... first and foremost, I like you people; I even care about you. And I would not like to torture you with pictures of me running. It is not a pretty sight. You can just trust me on this. Second, because I am usually lagging very far behind these two. Yes, I am so pathetic that my 8 year old is in better shape than me. I am truly keeping it real. Thirdly, because someone has to keep Caleb from eating the dirt and bugs and you-do-not-want-to-know-what-else, along the way. Fourthly, because I am the one usually taking pictures and it would be a bit hard to do both at the same time.
Just know that I am here. I am tired and out of breath but I am here and hoping that soon, less of my butt will be.

What's up with me lately

Caleb here. I just thought I would try my hand at blogging and let you all know what I have been up to lately. Firstly, I have been really having fun annoying my mom in the picture department. I NEVER smile for her. I rarely will stay still and if I do, I make a face like the one above. Nice, don't you think? It cracks me up every time. It doesn't seem to have the same effect on her though. hmm. I've also been doing a lot of this:




It's a classic game of mine. It's called, "Dump out Entire Buckets of Toys, kick them around and wait until my mom cleans them up and do it over and over and over". You should see the look on my mom's face after I have done this 15 or 20 times; priceless. It is sooo fun. You should recommend it to any toddlers in your home.


Now, this is a game I kind of made up all on my own. See, my mom has this giant basket that she keeps all the kids shoes in. I love to go in there and pick out two mismatching shoes (I always make sure they don't belong to me) and put them on. Then I stomp around the house for a bit and leave them right in the middle of a walkway so people can trip. Also, for a good variation of this game, I put them on, clomp around a little, then hide them in a very obscure spot in the house. Then when Sunday morning comes, my whole family starts tearing the house apart looking for the one missing shoe. I just sit back and watch the chaos and laugh to myself. This is great fun.

Another new thing I have taken to, is to sneaking outside and opening the automatic sliding door on the van. (it's the only door I can open). Then I get inside and lock the doors. This is fun for a while to play around in the drivers seat, but the problem with this one is, I can't figure out how to unlock the doors. And I haven't yet figured out how to open the front doors so I get stuck. Then I have to sit and wait for my mom to realize I am gone. I keep trying this one out, much to my mom's protesting. I think my mom should just learn to lock the doors so I can't get in it in the first place. But I question whether or not she is smart enough to catch onto this.
See this?
My mom is really in love with this stuff. She is always using it. And I have been feeling a little guilty about all the games I have been playing, so I thought I would do something nice for her. I saw that she recently reorganized these items, and I thought she would love it if I helped her. So while she was in the shower, I dumped out all the buttons and mixed them up. That was fun and I am sure very helpful. Then I took this ribbon bag that she stores all her ribbon in and pulled out tons of ribbon. I think she really loved that. Then I saw these fun little salt shakers filled with glitter and I thought I would beautify her table by dumping the glitter onto it. I thought the whole thing was fabulous. I was so proud when she came out and saw my handy work. I think the tears said it all.

Well I better get going my mom is almost done cleaning up after me, and I know I am not supposed to be on the computer. Besides, I think I hear some shoes calling my name.
Much love,
Caleb

It was so good while it lasted

I woke up this morning at 5:30 am from a full 8 hours sleep. Completely refreshed, I jumped out of bed and went for a quick 3 mile jog. I came back showered did my hair and makeup. Then I went to go put on my pants but was surprised that I have lost such a massive amount of weight, that nothing fit me. Luckily I was able to snag some skinny clothes and put them on. I woke the children and they were happy and excited to be awake and facing a new day. They quickly got dressed and combed their hair, all the while talking sweetly and laughing with each other. Then they skipped off to school hand in hand. Caleb sat and did puzzles on the table next to me, while I worked on several projects I have going. Then we went to run errands in the afternoon and he sat in the cart and was a perfect angel. Then the kids came home from school and immediately and happily began to do their homework and chores while I made rolls from scratch and a gourmet meal, just like mom's. Then my husband came home. We ate all together and after, my husband said, "you go put your feet up, I will clean up"... and I went upstairs, sat on the couch and put my feet up....
and then I woke up.
What did you dream ?