motherhood: in stages

I had a realization today. There are 4 stages of motherhood. Well at least four that I have experienced. And being the completely self involved person that I am, I am going to say that there are four stages. And that they repeat themselves as your children grow.
And because I am really not completely self involved I will share with you my wisdom and list the stages here in this fabulously interesting blog post...

stage one/child one: you think you have it all figured out.

Your kid is a great sleeper so you are sure you found the secret.
or breast feeding is a breeze and you pat yourself on the back thinking you did that all yourself. Or your kid never throws tantrums. You convince yourself that it is all thanks to your great mothering abilities. Life is scheduled with routines that are rarely interrupted. The house is clean, you child has shiny new clothes on. YOU have shiny new clothes on.
You stare in horror and those mothers who loose it on their kids at Target.

Stage two/child two: You see that you have nothing figured out.

Your second kid doesn't behave like the first and you realize that it was pure luck or blessing that you had a good sleeper, nurser or tantrum less kid the first time around. You realize that your children's habits have less to do with your mothering abilities and more to do with their little sprouting personalities. Life is scheduled but you rarely keep to it. The house is a mess but with a little help you can whip it back into shape every now and then. Your child's clothes are new but not as cute as they used to be since you are buying for price rather than look. Your clothes are no longer shiny and new.
You can empathize with those mothers who loose it on their kids in Target.

Stage three/three: You are wondering what is even going on.

You begin to think that maybe your KIDS are the ones who have it all figured out because as you are helping number one scrub off a bottle of permanent ink they decided to spill on their body, number two is crying because apparently you don't love her anymore, and kid number three is in the corner quietly and swiftly shoving fistfuls of sugar cereal in his mouth BECAUSE HE CAN. You begin to believe you have no mothering abilities. Your house is in a constant state of mess and deep clean is a distant memory. Your child's clothes are no longer shiny or new because they are all hand me downs that are perpetually a size to big or too small. Your clothes are stained with bodily fluids of your children and you don't even notice or care.
You ARE the mother that looses it on her kids in Target.

Stage four/child four: You realize that what you thought you had figured out doesn't matter anyway.

You begin to realize that nothing is ever thanks to you, but rather a blessing given to keep you sane. The tantrums don't even phase you anymore as they are a part of life with small children; you take it all in stride. You have long stopped worrying about when your kid walked or sang the ABC's because you realize it all works out in the end. You realize that good mothering has less to do with how your child eats or sleeps or when they reach the milestones, but how well they know they are loved and how well they know who they are, and that they love themselves. Your children run around in their underwear most of the time and you don't even bat and eye at it anymore. You have come to peace with the fact that the house (and your old clothes) will never be perfect but that it's good enough... just like you. You see that what really matters more than those things, is the quality time spent with your kids, the laughter, the learning, the growing, and even the trials, because they are all the little things that make your life uniquely yours and that is the best joy of all.
Oh, and you you don't even notice the mothers loosing it on their kids at target anymore.

morning inspiration

I woke up this morning and made the trek down stairs to feed my children and saw this gem of a message on the fridge. I just thought it was important enough to share:





so go on... what are you waiting for?

love is in the air

At this moment I am in love with....

1. the fact that lost is back on. If you don't watch it, I am both sorry for you and envy the free time you are enjoying not being chained to the TV on Wednesdays like me.

2. violins

3. communicating with Jonas' teacher via email. so quick and productive and easy! I love this century.

4. this woman's attitude. After such a horrible ordeal, to smile and joke about all her pain... I admire her greatly.

5. diet coke with lime.

6. seeing my husband on a regular basis. (so this is what a marriage is like!)

7. blankets

8. Tums. I couldn't survive without them. Sometimes I wonder if I can survive with them.

9. Patience. It really is true when they say that the absence of something makes the heart grow fonder.

what are you in love with?

our nameless child....

Much has been inquired about the pregnancy and how things are progressing. I take this as a subtle hint to go ahead and update you on the goings on in my stomach.
There is still a baby in there.
It's a boy.
I know he's in there because he makes sure to get his cardio workout every night at about 10:30pm and being that he currently resides in my stomach, it makes for some very interesting feelings for me.
He has decided to help me out and give the sickness a bit of a rest. In its place he has installed heart burn. Tums are again my new best friend.
He has also taken to giving me a little insight on what it will be like when he is a teenager and started the whole balding process a little early. I am not enjoying my shedding phase and am hoping that it can cease soon.
The other children in the family are getting increasingly curious and anxious and excited to get to know this little baby. I am beginning to wonder if I should have just kept the news to myself until we were a few weeks away from delivery.
They are LOVING the name game. They have convinced themselves that naming this child ought to be put to vote and must be approved by all. Now we have to find a name that pleases 5 people. That complicates my life just a little.
I am slowly (and by slowly I mean barely) beginning to get used to the fact we will soon have an infant in this house that I will be in charge of, like, all the time. When I really think about it and start to panic I remember that I have one of the worlds biggest lovers of babies and mothering living with me. (thank heaven for that daughter of mine). I then calm myself with the thought that she will be an ENORMOUS amount of help. Then I think of my youngest son and think of the other kind of "help" he will be and I get a little panicky again but someone brings me chocolate and all is well.
So to sum it up... we (I) am doing much better. I am a little less sick, a little more prepared and the family is adjusting fabulously. Now if only we could guarantee a pain free labor I would be sitting pretty.

Truth Sayers III

[Background: Jonas has been complaining about some unplanned unfortunate event (I cannot remember which unplanned unfortunate event)...]

Hailey: (truly her mother's daughter) "Life is like a box of chocolates... you never know what you are going to get."

Jonas: (after a moment of silence) "It's more like life is a box of bombs.... and you never know which explosion you're going to get."


Here's to hoping your day's explosions are the good kind.

a birthday post

I did something fun today. I hacked into my bff's Briana's blog and posted a little birthday post. It was great fun and I highly recommend you hack into a friend's blog and post today. Only don't use an embarrassing picture or anything because what goes around comes around. Oh and Bri, you are welcome that I didn't use the one of you getting your lip waxed while eating BTS cake. I was sorely tempted.

**if you have a second check out her blog and send her a bday wish. Even if she is a stranger to you. She is very old and doesn't have many birthdays left. I'd like to make this one special for her.

the absence of giggles

I am sitting in a hotel in sunny Arizona. In the spirit of sticking with my new years resolution of spending more time with my long lost husband, I decided to join him at a work conference in this lovely warm state to which I think I now belong.
We arrived yesterday and ate a lovely (and paid for) expensive dinner (graciously satisfying my craving for shrimp). We then retired to a very nice hotel room. (way nicer than my money would buy). Brian had a committee meeting so I got into pajamas and sat on a little couch.

And didn't know what to do.
It was quiet.
No one needed anything.
There was nothing to clean.
No one to feed.
No homework to do.
No dinner to make.
No dishes to do.
You get the point, right?
I asked myself what I always wish I could do in peace.
I went to the bathroom.
I took a bath.
I read.
I thought about my children.
I missed their giggles.
Then I rolled my eyes at myself because it hadn't even been 24 hours without them.
I called them.
I laughed.
I heard them laugh.
I listened to Caleb tell me all about his busy day of chasing his siblings with a pillow and listening to his report (in English that I can understand!) of what every single person was doing.
Then I hung up and cried.
I am such a pregnant mother.

But I promise I am having a good time.

Evening the score...

Brian has always spoiled my fun. okay, maybe that's a little too general... what i mean is, that Brian has always spoiled my fun when it comes to determining the gender of our unborn, growing children. every single time he has "known" and every single time i think i "know" and he is ALWAYS right. (my comfort comes in knowing that I am always right in every other area; no, seriously! I am. I am one of the rightest people ever! just ask him..)
Anyway with this baby I am currently cooking, I decided to abandon all hope of guessing and leave it up to him. I asked him what are we having? he has no clue. What? since when Mr. Know It All? After repeated inquiries I gave up and resigned myself to a state of unknown which has pretty much been torture for me...
until today.
we had our ultrasound.
The lady squeezed the warm jelly on my gigantic stomach and got to work. Right away she told us. we had a pink baby, she said. I was excited but thrilled for Hailey. Then she started saying, "oh, no...oh no oh no." To which I started freaking out. She quickly assured me that it was not a bad oh no. At this point I am wondering what exactly is a good oh no in this situation?
Brian pipes up. Confident. Sure. He says,
"It's a boy."
She says yes, she spoke too soon. It was a boy. She apologizes profusely. I feel confused. We leave.
Brian says in the elevator, the moment she said it was a girl, he knew she was wrong. He had the strongest feeling. He was sure at that point this little baby was a boy.
"oh." I say. But what I think is that it's a little too convenient for me. Now he can say he knew what every baby was before me.
But you know what I have on him?
I think he has forgotten, but in order to get his way on the spelling of the last child's name. (I wanted Kaleb, he wanted Caleb) he signed over full rights to naming the next one to me. (He thought we were done.)
So I smiled to myself the whole ride home. Let the name war begin.
Any suggestions?

I don't hate new years resolutions...

I don't. I just am no good at sticking with them.
But January 1 always finds me thinking on the years past and things I want to improve on. It is a beginning, after all.
*Without fail every year, January brings a deep clean to our home. We have already tackled the clutter and are thoroughly enjoying our organized cleanliness. I remain hopeful we can actually keep our little space this way.
*Without fail every year, January finds someone in our house staring in a pale faced shock at the number on the scale. (those evil two months of November and December wreak havoc on us). Already this month we have resolved to healthier habits and hoping they will stick this time.
*Without fail every year the husband and I make a more concerted effort to be more spiritual. This January has already come with releasings for both of us as well as new callings and we are excited to be able to go to classes and sit by each other for the first time in our marriage. Our goal in this area is to accept these new callings and actually do a good job with them... we'll see if I can handle this one.
* With the recent graduation for the husband, family change has been on our minds. We have a goal of spending more time together since we pretty much haven't seen each other since 2005. This goal should last all of 4 1/2 months until the little addition arrives.
* Also considering the recent graduation of the bread winner, we are hoping to change residences at some point this year. No one needs to twist my arm on this one.

These are a sampling of the "resolutions" I am attempting now. I reserve the right to add to this list and to dump one when I see that it is too hard; because at this stage in my life, I embrace the quitter inside of me.