Another Riveting Birthday Post

I have known the birthday boy for 14 years. In 14 years I have learned a lot from him, and have laughed a lot at him. If you know him, I am sure you have done the same. What I would like to do today, on his 31st birthday, is chronicle the last 14 years with him and the things I have learned.
1995 - I learned that dying your hair all sorts of colors is really cool. I also learned that getting to know the clerk that works the graveyard shift at 7-11 (Martin), can really pay off.
1996 - I learned that if you have a major crush on someone and they seem rather uninterested, all you have to do is start a band. It really gets the chicks.
1997 - I learned that if you are on a mission and your companion is a little strange, and he offers you something to drink every night "out of the goodness of his heart", that maybe you could just turn him down.
1998 - I learned that if you are in another country and you feel writing letters to a person you are madly in love with is still making the distance grow bigger, just start emailing; it will bring the beloved person back every time.
1999 - I learned that marriage to someone really teaches you a lot about a person. Like how they have to compulsively check already locked doors, and how they have a shelf in the closet that you DO NOT DISTURB. EVER.
2000 - I learned that health insurance is a must have. Especially if you are going to get appendicitis and have your appendix removed, then a few months later pay $5000 for your wife to have a baby. Then a few months after that, get gall stones and have your gall bladder removed. Then months after that, get kidney stones.
2001 - I learned that you should always look on the bathroom door to make sure you are going in the proper gender's restroom. And that if you are a male and you walk into the bathroom and see that there are no urinals, you should then realize that maybe you are in the wrong place and quickly exit, instead of going to the bathroom anyway and scaring a young woman to death.
2002 - I learned that you can juggle a rocking band and fatherhood. If you like that sort of thing.
2003 - I learned that it is never too late to start something. Like college. Even when you have and a wife. and two kids. and a mortgage.
2004 - I learned that the human body is forgiving and resilient. It somehow will allow you to function properly when working 15 hour days while going to school, and being a good father/husband to your growing family.
2005 - I learned that even when you think there is no way to achieve your dreams, that if you approach anything with faith and a lot of prayers, doors open up and there are paths there waiting beyond them.
2006 - I learned that while it really sucks to be a full time employee and student and you have no time, that if your wife calls crying because she just had her third baby 5 days ago and she is EXTREMELY hormonal and needs help, you can still drop whatever pressing things you have, like a test, to help her.
2007 - I learned that you can officially become a golden boy to your in laws if you adapt the things that are most important to them. Such as food, BYU, and Les miserables.
2008 - I learned that if you continue to work hard, have faith and persevere, that eventually a light does show up at the end of a LONG tunnel, and that you can look back and see that the tunnel you have been making your way through, is beautiful and lined with jewels. Jewels of experience and wisdom and lessons learned. And that the journey, while long and hard, has been rewarding and worth every minute.

Happy birthday, Schwanii. I love you. Even if you are seriously old.